


Revolutions and Generations

by SheolChi



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Magic, Anxiety, Connor takes after his mom, Depression, F/F, F/M, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, alana/zoe/jared is a weakness of mine, because of jared, beta read by a 12 y/o, headcanons galore, prologue is the parents side, thanks deh novel, the parents had a friend group too, the usual deh stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-20 22:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16146941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheolChi/pseuds/SheolChi
Summary: Cynthia Murphy hated to leave their kids, hell, even Alice's kid. But this was something that was more than a desire to stay with her kids. It was to save their lives from a lifetime of slavery or just their lives in general.Connor Murphy was sure that if his mom ever came back and saw him snooping through her journals, he would probably never be allowed out again. But he was seventeen and he was damn sure that these had the answer to where the hell all of their parents went.Where those with magic powers start a multi-generational revolution for equal rights, with uncanny similarities in the two generations.





	1. Prologue: Cynthia

Her son was ten years old when she left him, and her daughter was nine.

She knew the two of them were special, everyone in their family was.

She already watched Larry freeze his coffee before putting it in the blender.

She saw Connor trying to hide the fact that the wind could help him fly.

She knew that the rejuvenated earth in their garden was Zoe’s doing, not her own.

Cynthia knew that staying with her family was the best way to keep them safe; but watching others, people she personally knew, be dragged from their homes and used as the empire saw fit kept her up at night.

She couldn’t bear the idea of any of her family members being humiliated and ridiculed by their fellow upper district families; the remaining being banished to the slums or just enslaved.

Connor and Zoe had barely taken their first breaths when these thought first occurred; she and Larry had only been married for a year.

When she found one of those dystopian novels in Connor’s room, she had an outlandish idea.

She knew that telling anyone else would probably land her with a psychiatrist or at worst, in the gallows to be gawked at as an example; so she opted to keep this a secret, even from her husband.

Cynthia had to be careful.

There were eyes everywhere.

Her only hope was held in those who felt the same, whether it be fellow magicians or just anyone with a heart. 

Knowing her ‘healthy mom’ friends, she could easily slip the ideas into their head.

 

It started off as small whispers, kind of planting ideas in the heads of other people.

Whispers became small talk, which became genuine conversations. It only took a year before those who believed in the cause began to rally behind the idea of a revolution.

But with a revolution came opposers. Powerful opposers. Opposers who could essentially kill them all within a day.

Cynthia became the face of their movement; the sheer thought of which terrified her.

Here she was, a twenty something mom with two kids, who just so happened to be starting a rebellion against a system that was put in place the moment magic was discovered.

A system that far preceded her age.

Cynthia just prayed that no one would get hurt because of her.

But of course the universe hated her, so of course, that's exactly what happened.

She knew that Larry was already suspicious of the sudden surges of visits to several ‘friends’ when before, she rarely left the house.

And he was more suspicious when she did this even after the kids begged her to stay home more.

“Sweetie,” He said, with an icy steel to his voice.

Larry stood in front of the door as she attempted to leave before dinner.

“I have to visit Catherine from knitting club,” she said, cringing immediately after.

She was always awful at lying, and her being a rebellion leader did not change this. Cynthia knew for a fact that Larry could see right through her.

“Wha- knitting club? Knitting club?! You quit knitting club four months ago!” He was visibly upset. “It’s like you’re never home anymore,”

“Well, maybe I rejoined,”

“Oh, bullshit!”

“This is like the kettle calling the pot black!” Cynthia finally yelled back.

They’d agreed after Connor was born that Larry would become the bread-winner of the family while Cynthia watched Connor. Nevermind that she was already pregnant with Zoe.

“That’s different!” Larry snapped. “I keep our family afloat, you just gossip with suburban moms all day,”

Cynthia couldn’t hold herself back from slapping Larry.

“But I’m still here for the kids,” She hissed.

Larry grunted and fell to the floor. Her husband held his face, with his hand glowing with ice.

It was only then when she noticed that licks of flame remained on her hands.

Cynthia gasped in horror while Larry calmly stood up, with a large burn on his face.

“Mommy?” A new voice called. “What happened to daddy?”

Cynthia turned around to find Connor looking at the scene with curiosity. He was poking his head out from the bathroom.

He definitely heard everything.

“I, uh,” She stuttered. “You see-,”

She blessed the gods above for the incoming phone call that cut her off.

Cynthia rushed out the door, answering the angel who called her.

Heidi Hansen’s voice sang in her ear.

“Hi, Cyn. Can I ask for a favour?

 

Cynthia remembered meeting a baby Evan Hansen when he was only a few days old. 

The way she met Heidi was a story that spanned over her teenage rebellious years.

For what it was worth, Heidi Hansen was one of the only people Cynthia considered an actual friend; even if that friend was made by literal spilled milk.

Aaron Beck was nice, but he was more of an acquaintance, if anything. His words, not hers.

Alice Kleinman, well… kind of hated her guts.

She was at least civil-- for Heidi’s sake.

When she received the call from Heidi, begging her to watch over Evan, she happily accepted.

The small baby she met was now eight (or two she guessed), having turned on leap day.

Evan was far more quiet than Connor and Zoe ever were, almost to an unsettling degree.

She found him curled up under a tree, reading a large book about the ocean. Scattered around him were other miscellaneous books, including a star atlas that Zoe had begged her for. Cynthia guessed that was something Evan and her kids had in common.

She also found a distinct lack of Mark Hansen, which was also strange.

“Hey kiddo,” she said, making her voice as gentle and calm as she could.

Evan looked up at her, clearly confused.

“Where’s mommy?” he asked.

“She’s… out,” she answered carefully.

It was clearly the wrong thing to say, because the child’s eyes became watery.

“She had to pick up an emergency shift!” Cynthia quickly corrected herself.

This seemed to sate him, his face falling to a more neutral expression.

“Oh,” he said, lowering his gaze and grasping his shirt. “She said it was Taco Tuesday…”

“Hey! At least we can have it with your dad when he gets back!”

Evan burst into tears.

Shit.

Cynthia scrambled and quickly held the child as he wailed, his book still hugged to his chest.

Oh.

“Hush, shhh… sweetie. Let’s go visit your mom!”

Evan looked up at her, stifling the sobs that threatened to fall from his lips.

“Can we... can we get McDonalds?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course, sweetie.”

 

Cynthia wondered why Heidi didn’t tell her about the divorce.

She never really liked Mark Hansen, but Heidi always seemed happy with him. Evan told her a different story.

“Mommy and daddy would yell a lot,” He told her. “They tried to do it when I was asleep, but they were too loud,”

He paused a bit to chew his food.

“Daddy always called mommy a freak, and one day he hit mommy, so she told him to leave,” Evan looked away, and his voice quivered. “So he left, with a big truck,”

He stretched his arms in an attempt to show her the size of the truck.

“Well, your mom will never leave you,” Cynthia said this with mild pride in her voice. “I promise.”

Oh the irony of that statement.

“… Am I a freak?”

“Of course not,”

“But, I can do things with my hands like mommy,”

Cynthia paused to look at the apparent seven-year-old magician.

“You’re not a freak for being born Ev-” She was cut off by a bullet whizzing past her head, just as they reached the hospital area.

Evan scrambled away from the bullet but was grazed on the shoulder.

Cynthia panicked.

She threw flames in the direction of the bullet and called Heidi, fumbling for her phone in her stupidly full purse.

A terrified Heidi Hansen rushed out of the hospital with glowing hands.

__  
Heidi was always considered to be the pseudo-leader of their friend group; or more of a mediator if she had to be honest. Cynthia lost count how many times she had to pry Alice off of her or remind Lawrence to stop staring at her (not that she minded).

Knowing that the strong-headed girl wasn’t the leader of the rebellion made her somewhat proud.

It was an awful way to think, but she was only human.

Unfortunately, keeping her safe was a notion that the universe wasn’t too fond of.

“I just, why didn’t you tell me about anything!?” Heidi shouted, with rage bubbling in her voice and head.” How am I supposed feel about the fact that at any moment my friends, my son and I could die!”

“Would you rather have us slave away at Emperor’s will because we were fucking born?” hissed Cynthia.

“That’s why we keep it a secret!”

“No, that’s why we have to rise up and stand for ourselves,”

Heidi massaged her temple before sharply looking at Cynthia. “Why couldn’t you just rely on your friends for once! You know that Aaron, Lawrence and I would’ve helped in a heartbeat,”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t ask you,” she muttered.

“Never once did you think ‘hmm, maybe it would be a good idea to ask my husband or best friend, hey I wanna help the all the population with magic not be discriminated against but I’m fucking 20 so I need help’?”

Cynthia stayed silent.

“It’s always about other people with you!”

“And what’s so wrong with that!?” she yelled.” Maybe I didn’t tell you because I was terrified that you’d be too reckless, or someone would get hurt,”

“Well it’s too late for that now, isn’t it?” Heidi said, far more quietly than her previous tone.

Cynthia hastily looked away in shame.

Cynthia was pretty sure Heidi painted a target on her own head and it was only a matter of time before someone came to force her to be a military nurse or something.

If God was real, she sincerely hoped that he would at least have mercy on Heidi and her son.

 

Alice frowned while looking over one of the plans Aaron and Heidi came up with.

She leaned back in her chair and had her evaluation immediately.

“Nope,” The infuriatingly lax girl chirped. “This one is fucking suicide,”

This is why Cynthia wanted to leave her out.

Aaron glared at her. “Well what do you propose, oh great one?” His voice dripped with venom.

Alice glared back, in her five-foot two glory.

“I’m just saying, attempting to ‘convince’ the empress that she should tell the emperor to essentially cut the shit because she has magic inside of her is a dumb idea,”

“She has a point,” Larry said.

The ugly burn on his face was a constant reminder of her mistakes.

Sometimes she wanted to burn her hands off.

“We were… kind of drunk when we came up with that one,” Aaron muttered.

“And coming off of an episode of Dr. Phil,” Heidi added.

Cynthia rolled her eyes.

“Okay, let’s move on to plan G,” she said, throwing the paper in the trash along with the other rejected plans.

“Why can’t we just burst in the palace and fuck the Emperor’s shit up?” Alice groaned. “I can hide us, then you, Larry and Aaron can do your fire, ice, thunder thing,  
then Heidi can heal us with that fucking sun thing,”

“ _This one is fucking suicide._ Good luck getting in the palace in the first place,” Aaron replied. “We’ll be dead by the first gate.”

“Do you have a better idea, bitch?”

“…”

“Exactly,”

 

Cynthia closed the door to Zoe and Connor's shared room after giving them one final kiss goodnight.

“Well, this is it,” Cynthia muttered looking at the packed things that she and Larry packed.

“Are you ready, Cyn?” Larry said, coming from behind her and hugging her waist.

Cynthia looked at her husband with tears in her eyes.

“Are you sure that both of us going is the best idea?” She quietly said.

Larry paused and held her closer. “I know you’re worried about the kids, both of us are,” He whispered.

“I’m more than worried, what if everything we left behind isn't enough?! Connor just started middle school!”

“I know…” He sighed. “But it’s too late for us to look back,”

She stared at the closed door of their children, tempted to just lock herself in there and leave everything to Larry. She shook her head.

“We, we have to do this. Not just for us, but for the children,” She reaffirmed, mostly for herself.

Cynthia stood up and zipped up the bags.

“For Connor and Zoe,”

Cynthia Murphy was thirty-one when she disappeared from Connor and Zoe’s life.

But she didn’t regret it one bit.


	2. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets his hand stuck in the ceiling.

Connor knew he was a lot of things.

He was an older brother.

He was an orphan.

He was a magician.

He definitely was an asshole.

But he didn’t think he deserved to be some asshole with his hand stuck in the ceiling.

Maybe this was vengeance for yelling at Zoe earlier for leaving dirt in his room.

Maybe this was for flying way too much.

The ceiling just kind of opened up and swallowed his hand.

Connor groaned. “Zoe!”

His sister similarly groaned.

He heard thumping on the stairs, then footsteps leading to his room.

Zoe poked her head in and immediately began laughing her ass off.

“You… you got your hand stuck in the fucking ceiling!?”

He flipped her off with his free hand.

“Please Zoe. I beg of you,” Connor took a deep breath. “Free me from my misery.”

Zoe laughed harder in response.

 

 

After Zoe essentially shattered the ceiling, Connor was finally free from his prison.

This is not what he would usually think of someone hanging off the ceiling.

Connor grimaced at that joke. He was trying to work on getting better. Key word being _trying_.

He remembers his first attempt; it was three years after the disappearance of their parents.

 It was, however, fuzzy.

All he could remember was water, blood, and a shitty kitchen knife because he didn’t want to use his sister’s razor.

Putting Zoe through that once definitely made him at least a jerk. Twice is what doubled down on the title Asshole Supreme™; an honour that used to belong to Jared Kleinman but since then had transferred to himself.

“How the hell did you even get your hand stuck in the ceiling anyway?” Zoe eventually asked, pulling Connor away from his thoughts.

That pulled Connor into another train of thought. How the hell did he even manage that anyway?

“Well, I was making myself fly because that’s the only high you don’t get on my ass about,” He started.

Zoe stuck her tongue out.

“Then… my hand hits the ceiling and boom! It’s stuck. Congrats Connor, you’re a moron,”

“Now that’s what I call karma,”

He flipped her off once more.

Zoe creates a step ladder of rocks and curiously knocks against the broken ceiling.

“That’s weird,” she said. “Nothing’s happening.”

Connor flew up and knocked his hand against the offending piece of concrete as well. Like Zoe, nothing happened.

“What thy fuck.”

“Watch your fucking language in this good, Christian home,” Zoe’s voice imitated Mrs. Harris’ voice, including her signature rasp-growl thing.

This sent both siblings into a flurry of giggles.

Zoe attempted to knock on the ceiling once more, to no avail.

“Are you sure it was an accident?” she asked. “Nothing is happening.”

Connor scowled at her. “Yes, I may be a moron, but not one who purposely gets his hand stuck in the ceiling,”

Frustrated, he punched the ceiling with wind covering his fists. The remaining concrete shattered and fell to the floor.

“What the hell…” Zoe gaped while looking at the newly revealed trap door.

The entrance was tiny, and clearly led to an attic of some sorts. Connor knew the roof by heart and there was no entrance on the roof.

For some reason, every part of him screamed to open it, except his head that told him to stay the fuck away from it.

Good thing he rarely listened to his head.

He tried the same trick from before, his mildly raw knuckles surrounded by the wind once more.

It bounced off.

Connor cussed up a storm before Zoe gently pried it open, magic-free.

“Violence isn’t the only answer dearest brother,” she teased, snickering at his indignant look.

“Says the one who almost beat up Jared Kleinman when he called Alana hot,”

Zoe stuck her tongue out again.

Sticking his head in the attic-thing, Connor concluded that the room could only squeeze in one of them. He voiced this aloud. And being the asshole he was, he immediately went in himself before Zoe could react.

The attic was definitely untouched for several years, for obvious reasons. The dust irritated his nose, almost making him wish that Zoe went up instead.

_Almost_.

Now he wasn’t stupid, despite the claims of his teachers. He knew this attic was sealed off for a reason. An important one at that. Of what he remembered of their parents, he knew they had a ton of secrets; secrets concerning the magic in his family.

It was kind of funny how the entirety of the Murphy household (of the old days) had magic. That all of them were essentially illegals.

He looked around the dusty, dark space, illuminating it with his phone. There were boxes and papers scattered everywhere. But there was one place he was sure had the key.

On a very dusty desk sat his mom’s journals, which he knew of because he saw her write in them constantly. They were laid there very deliberately, like it was begging to be opened.

His mom never let him touch her journals. They were filled with even more secrets that Connor couldn’t dream of knowing.

Now here they were. Abandoned journals in a neat pile in an abandoned attic with her abandoned kids finding it.

“Fitting,” he muttered.

These better have some damn answers.

How the Murphy kids and Evan Hansen became overnight orphans. How Kleinman and Alana lost (what he assumed was) their favourite parent.

He opened one of the notebooks, idly scanning the contents. What caught his eye was his and Zoe’s name. Connor stopped at the page and was faced with the familiar, loopy writing of his mother.

 

_Dear Zoe and Connor,_

_If you’re reading this, that means that we failed in our mission. It was a crazy plan if I had to be honest, but it was our best shot. It took us months to set up the perfect conditions to even attempt this. But we had to do it, not just for us, but for you too. I know that both of you are definitely upset and obeying your absentee mom is the last thing you want to do, but please. Hear me out. I have a lot to explain to you both. Your father and I are… I guess you can call us resistance fighters, a crazy idea by your mother. It’s funny now that I think about it, it was actually one of Connor’s novels that inspired it all. You both were always so bright. My ~~last~~ request for you is to continue our fight. My friends and I may be gone but now you two hold our legacy. I know it is selfish of me to ask this of you, but it isn’t just a me problem. It’s for everyone, for those stolen away and forced into labour. For those who have to hide their existence, just for existing. I know both of you could do so much more than I could. I’ve left these notebooks to you as my last resort. These contain all our plans, our locations, all of our info just for you two. I pass these on in hopes you can create a future I could never begin to imagine creating. I love you so much. Never forget that. ~~I wish I could take away all your burdens.~~ If you agree to help, you can go to one of the locations in the notebooks. There are resistance members there who are more than willing to help you with the rebellion. _

_Love,_

_Your Mother Cynthia Murphy_

_P.S please pass the following letters to Evan Hansen, Jared Kleinman and Alana Beck. They are from their parents too._

Warm streaks fell from Connor’s eyes.

“Connor!” Zoe yelled. “Are you alright? You’re sniffling really loud!”

He grumbled a friendly ‘fuck off, it’s dusty.’

“Fuck off, you’re dusty!” she yelled back. This is why he couldn’t have nice things.

 He began picking the notebooks up; each one was well worn. The one with the letters was kind of crinkly, like someone dropped it in the toilet.

He cautiously floated down to where Zoe was patiently waiting.

She looked curiously at the notebooks.

“What are those?” she asked.

Connor handed her the letter, with an uncharacteristic gentleness.

When she finished reading it, she was in a similar state to Connor; tears were very prevalent in her eyes and on her face.

“She… left us for our sake?” Zoe was clearly in disbelief. To be fair, he was too.

It was unfair for them to just unload all of that on their kids. Hell, the two of them were still in high school. How in the fuck were they supposed to be able lead a fucking rebellion that even their parents failed to lead?

He shook with laughter. “How the hell are we even supposed to deal with this?” he asked, not expecting an answer from Zoe.

“… Let’s start off by giving Evan Hansen his letter,” she replied. “He’s probably the best person to ask for advice. Alana might run her mouth, and Jared is… Jared.”

Connor sighed. It was better than nothing he supposed, and she did make a point. Hansen was a generally quiet, intelligent person. Plus, if he told Kleinman, he could hold Hansen hostage until he promised to not do anything weird with the information.

Well. To the Kleinman (plus one) household they go. _Yay_.

 


	3. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan worries about murder and friends

Evan Hansen had a creepily good memory and, paired with the fact that he was also very observant, he was just… creepy (as stated by Jared, his family friend who he unfortunately has to live with, along with his three siblings).

He could remember the first time Jared ignored him in favour of other people, or when his godmother threw flames at the person who shot him, or when his mom healed him after he got shot. The most vivid memory he had was the last time his mom tucked him in and apologised when she thought he was asleep. He didn’t blame her for leaving. His dad knew he was worthless too.

He couldn’t really help it. He’s convinced that the moment he forgets something, his life goes down the drain.

It was honestly both a blessing and a curse. He doesn’t need to be told twice to do anything, earning him the title of ‘teachers pet’ throughout his younger years. But he could also hear rumours and whispers about him. Any insignificant thing they say could be forever imprinted in his mind forever.

But for the life of him, he does not remember anyone inviting the Murphy siblings over.

He was honestly terrified. Jared was out with his camp friends. Olivier was twelve and had no idea who they were. Viola would’ve laughed at the idea of talking to them. Isa was working at the shady tattoo place he was hired in for being ‘hot’.

If the rumors about Connor was true; he was here to kill his next victim. He didn’t really blame him because Jared taunted him at school sometimes with distasteful jokes. He couldn’t be here for Evan. That would require someone other than the Kleinmans and the school nurse to know he existed.

That thought was really farfetched though. Zoe was right there. Unless she was an accomplice.

Evan shook that idea out of his head. He also used to have this decidedly creepy crush on her for three agonizing years. She was one of those people who’d be awful at keeping secrets and have her brother busted immediately.

So he could cross murder off the list. Maybe.

He felt awkward just standing there in front of the door like he was expecting someone. If he waited long enough maybe they would actually kill him.

Evan violently swings open the door, hard enough to give all parties whiplash.

The two (attractive) siblings just awkwardly stared at him. Great. He was going to have to start the conversation himself.

“Um, wha-” He was cut off by Zoe.

“Oh, hi Evan,” she greeted. He gave an awful excuse of a wave in response. “Can we talk to you for a bit?”

Evan froze. “Um, sure, I-I guess,” he stuttered. His fingers were already fumbling with the hem of his polo. The one he had at least three of.

Connor and Zoe nodded and walked in as he kind of ushered-not-ushered them in.

Evan led them through the familiar hallway he’s grown up in ever since the ripe age of eleven. They eventually stopped in Evan’s room, which was woefully bland, busy, and blue.

These pitiful thoughts of his is why he needs therapy. Hell, it would be nice if everyone could get therapy. He would feel less self-conscious that way, if he did have therapy.

“So…” Connor started, looking just as uncomfortable as he was. “Uh, what’s up?”

Evan blinked in confusion. They definitely were _not_ here just to ‘hang’. There had to be some ulterior motive that was probably leading to a kidnapping or murder. Or both if he was especially lucky.

Gathering his courage, he quickly blurted. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Good, so we can cut to the chase,” Zoe said, smiling.

On second thought, he prayed that this wouldn’t end up in murder.

 

 

Zoe began explaining what the two were doing in the past hour.

As Evan began listening, he interrupted almost immediately. “Wa-wait. He got his hand stuck in the ceiling?”

Connor became defensive. “Yes, I did Hansen. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Connor, let’s not intimidate the one person who we both decided would be helpful,” Zoe chided.

Evan swore he had a stroke when he saw Connor Murphy, great emo extraordinaire (apparently), pout. _Pout_.

He listened as the two almost-twins told him the story of how through Connor’s stuck hand, they found where the hell their parents were, and the legacy they left behind.

Well, that was the last thing he thought his mom would be doing. He thought she finally got to start over in life, no stupid son to hold her back anymore. Revolution was a far more excusable reason to leave.

Evan felt torn. He always felt justified in his anger towards his mother because who the hell does that? Leaving her son with abandonment issues alone, with no given reason. Now he doesn’t know. This was so much bigger than he could’ve ever imagined. This was so much bigger than _him_ and he was just being selfish-

Evan’s breath began to quicken. He hated feeling like this. Like he was useless and stupid and could never do _anything._

“Woah, okay calm down,” Zoe said in a gentle tone. “Connor, do the angry calming breathing thing,”

Connor grabbed his hands (a little roughly but that doesn’t matter) and Evan flinched. Zoe glared at Connor.

“Shit. Sorry, is touch okay?” He asked warmly.

Evan croaked out a yes.

Connor held his hands more gently and stared into Evan’s eyes. “Okay, match your breathing with mine. Breathe in for One, two, three…”

 

 

After a while of repeating Connor’s steps, Evan felt a strange calm that usually came way after the panic attack. Maybe it was because for some reason Zoe and Connor seem to care about him. How they didn’t laugh in his face when he started hyperventilating. It felt nice, having people who actually cared, even if they were here to ask for advice. He didn’t remember anyone being this nice other than Alana, but she’s nice to everyone.

Evan really didn’t want to read the letter his mom left him. He just felt it was six years too late (also he would probably cry and he really didn’t need the Murphy siblings seeing him cry. He was an ugly crier.)

“So you guys want advice on what to do about the rebellion?” Evan asked, just to be sure.

“Yeah,” Connor said. “You’re older than both of us for one, and a hell of a lot smarter too.”

“Plus, we were already going to talk to you anyway,” Zoe added. “Plus you know how Jared and sometimes Alana can be…”

“Hey, Alana is great!” Evan huffed. “Don’t lump her in with Jared.”

There was a quick silent beat.

The siblings rolled over laughing at that.

“I never knew you had it in you!” Connor managed to shriek between cackles. “Evan Hansen hates Jared Kleinman too!”

Evan laughed. “Okay he’s not that bad,” he quickly defended. “He lets me live with him and cooks for the family. Call it just a mild distaste for his personality.”

Zoe cleared her throat after the giggles died down. “Anyway, what do you think we should do?”

Evan paused and looked at the ground. They should probably let Alana and Jared have their letters first, then the three of them could go to one of the (possibly) mentioned locations while the other two could contemplate on the letters. Or they could wait for Alana and Jared. That might overwhelm the rebellion leaders though. They could always pretend like they never found any of the letters, but Zoe and Connor definitely wouldn’t take that as an answer. Maybe one of them could go alone. _But one of them could be attacked by the rebellion members or the government._ Evan frowned. He was overthinking this. He only voiced the first idea to the siblings or at least tried. He ended up babbling the other thoughts he had as well, practically word for word.

The two stared at him and Evan looked away in shame. So much for being helpful.

“Um, I think we can do the first idea,” Zoe eventually said.

He knew it. They hate him now and they were going to tell everyone, and he’ll have to flee to Bombay to escape the ridicule. Or maybe the ocean or outer space. Either works if he had to be honest. Just anywhere but here.

“But how are we supposed to deliver the letters without anyone else intercepting them?” Connor piped in. “These letters are pretty personal and holds technically illegal information.”

Evan sighed in relief. At least they didn’t think his idea was stupid. He was scared to think of what Jared would have come up with. Probably something even more illegal.

“I can give it to Jared,” Evan answered. He could do that at least; he’d offer to drop off Alana’s, but frankly he doesn’t know where she lives.

“Cool,” Zoe nonchalantly said, like she was already expecting that.

“Zoe, you’re giving it to Beck, not me,” Connor curtly said.

Zoe looked at him alarmed.

“Hush, she’s just too…” Connor gestured vaguely with his arms. “Spirited. Energetic for lil’ old me,”

Zoe looked like she was going to protest before slumping down and resigning to her fate.

“Do you… dislike Alana?” Evan asked.

Zoe’s alarm doubled. “What!? No!” She yelled.

Connor snickered at her reaction. “She’s _shy_.”

“Um, if you give me her, add- address if could give it to her…” Evan’s voice trailed off.

“No, no, no that’s not necessary Evan,” Zoe quickly replied. She suddenly seemed very adamant to go.

“I’m proud of you Zoe. A budding lesbian in her prime,” Connor said, holding his hand to his chest. Evan was sure he meant to put it over his heart, but it was clearly over the right side, not the left.

“I’m Bi, thank you very much,” She corrected.

Huh. Add that to the list of many things he didn’t know about the Murphy’s. Not like he actually had a written list though. It was just an interesting thought that had occurred several times during their story of the attic. He still wasn’t sure if ceilings were supposed to swallow hands though.

“Well, we better get going,” Connor said, standing up. “I have to research the safest place to go to and Zoe has to do her mission thing.”

Connor grinned. Evan actually kind of liked seeing that expression on him. At school it was all scowls and vague looks of annoyance. ~~Maybe one day he could make that smile appear.~~

Evan immediately canceled that thought. He just formally met him. Maybe he wasn’t Bi, maybe he was fucking Murphysexual. He hoped that didn’t include their parents. That would be kind of weird actually.

The siblings waved at him as they left through the Kleinman door.

Maybe, just maybe that’s what having friends is like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no hetero but the biggest mood is the official deh book constantly calling mike faist/Connor attractive


	4. Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe knew what friends were, just she never had them.

Zoe never really felt like her own person. She was always an afterthought. She’s Connor’s sister, or Mr. Taylor’s prodigy. She was Evan’s ex-crush, or Eleanor’s pity project. It was like pseudo-middle child syndrome.

She was and is never _just_ Zoe.

Honestly, she’s always felt envious of Connor. He had a strong sense of self. Sure he was a shitty person at times, but he never faltered in what he did. He was headstrong, in a way Zoe could never be.

Personally, she’s never really spoken all that much to Alana Beck. She knew who she was, everyone did, but she and Alana were basically strangers.

Alana Beck was different. Like Connor, she never really faltered in her steps. But she was different from Connor, in the way she seemed lonely. Kind of like Zoe. Like she had to be strong or her world would fall apart.

Both of them were ideals that Zoe could never reach. She was just a puppet, an idea for people to play with.

She was honestly nerve racked at the idea of even going to Alana’s house, much less giving her a life-changing letter from _her dad_ made butterflies salsa in her gut.

If she messed this up, she was going to run away to the Cirque du Soleil. Probably not, she would just be mildly ashamed like the boring Zoe she was.

Zoe glanced at the pristine house of the Beck’s for what seemed like the millionth time. Her hand was held up hesitantly by the door, just waiting for action on Zoe’s part. She knocked on their pure white door.

Alana Beck opened the door with enthusiasm.

“Oh, Zoe! What brings you here?” She greeted.

“Can I, uh, come in?” Zoe asked hesitantly.

“Of course!” Alana replied, a smile appearing on her face. “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

Zoe has heard rumors about the Beck family, but this house was probably more impressive than the Murphy household in terms of sheer cleanliness. The fact that the only people watching over the siblings was the Harris family completely slipped her mind.

Alana sat her down in a simple loveseat, offering a piece of candy from the coffee table.

Zoe smiled at the gesture but ultimately declined the offer. She was pretty sure there were nuts in it, and she really couldn’t afford dying now.

“So…” Alana started. “What’s up?”

“I… have something for you,” Zoe replied, cursing the slight shake in her voice.

“Really?” Alana asked.

“Yeah,” she answered. “It’s actually kind of important.”

Alana eyed her curiously before carefully opening the envelope Zoe bought from a convenience store. Now she was glad she decided against licking the paper, as tempting as it was. Alana didn’t need her mouth germs on her hands along with this revelation.

Alana gently ran her fingers on the piece of paper as she read the letter. Zoe stared at Alana’s eyes while she was reading, trying to make out the emotions her upperclassman was feeling.

She understandably perplexed and looked mildly upset. Zoe didn’t blame her. She was upset as well when she read the letter from her mom but surprisingly took it well. Better than how she assumed she would have reacted if she found out why her parents left. But Zoe and Alana were a million worlds apart, and she couldn’t blame Alana if she just called bullshit. If it was just Zoe who found the letter, she would have done so herself.

Alana began drumming her fingers on the glass of the coffee table. Zoe wondered what Alana’s dad wrote to her. She definitely noticed that the letter addressed to Alana was far more long-winded than the one addressed to her and Connor. The one from her mother seemed mildly rushed, judging by the messy, loopy writing. Alana’s dad probably had more time to think about and write the letter.

Zoe was envious of her. She got rushed thoughts from her mother while Alana had this carefully written soul-declaration from her father.

Why did the person with the second-most family left get more closure?

Zoe grimaced at that thought. That was awful of her to think. Pain was relative and who knows? Maybe her mom is abusive or something. She prayed to God that wasn’t the case, for Zoe’s conscious and Alana’s well-being.

Alana bit her lip. It was slightly shaking, like she was holding back to not embarrass herself in front of Zoe.

Zoe never really knew how to comfort people. The most she could do was distract them, but that wouldn’t really help in this situation.

“Just…” Alana mumbled. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

Alana looked helpless. Zoe knew that she was probably vulnerable now. Anyone with common sense would have left her to sort her thoughts out or offered a candy or something.

But Zoe had ‘Murphy sense’ instead, so she impulsively grabbed Alana’s hand.

The older girl stared at her in confusion. God why did she do that of all things? She wanted to pull away, but she couldn’t let go. She couldn’t just be the same, passive Zoe.

Zoe brought her eyes up to meet Alana’s perplexed gaze. She took in a deep breath to calm herself.

“My parents didn’t really tell me anything either…” She said, her voice sounding more like a whisper. “Con and I only found out this morning,”

A beat of silence ensued.

“So… they’re really gone,” Alana eventually said.

Zoe nodded. “My mom started her letter off by telling us that they failed if we found these letters.”

For the first time in her life, Zoe Murphy watched Alana Beck break down into tears.

Zoe pulled Alana into a hug and let the older girl cry on her. That’s when she knew she and Alana weren’t that different after all.

 

 

Alana poured Zoe a cup of tea. The warm, brown liquid glowed under the lights of the Beck house. Zoe blew the steam from the tea, cupping it gently in her hands.

The calm they found was delicate, and Zoe hated it. She knew they couldn’t be friends just yet, but seeing Alana look so fragile made her want to just grab her hands and make the world go away.

Zoe knew she wouldn’t do that, but she could dream.

“It was my father’s favourite,” Alana said. “He and I always had an afternoon cup of tea, on calmer days at least,”

Alana stared at her cup before continuing. “He was always kinder than my mother, and he actually payed attention to me, you know?”

Zoe nodded. “I get it... I get how it feels to be ignored,”

Alana smiled to herself. “It’s a pretty universal feeling I guess,” She said. “You always seem so daunting at school.”

“Me? Daunting?” Zoe laughed. “If anything you’re the daunting one!”

Alana laughed along with Zoe, sounding more carefree than before.

“You’ve got me there,” She replied. “People always seem kind of intimidated around me,”

“It’s because you have this passion to you, like someone who really cares, and will do anything to help others,” Zoe said, smile wide on her face and evident in her voice.

Alana grinned bashfully. “Thank you!” She said with a characteristic pep to her voice. “I always do my best to ensure everyone feels like they matter,”

Their conversation lasted until it was cut short by Zoe’s phone ringing.

Zoe looked at the screen and frowned, upset at seeing Connor’s name interrupting her time with Alana.

She left the room and picked up the phone with a huff. “What?” She said, exasperated.

“Calm down, Zoe.” Connor’s boyish voice said through the phone. “I’m just calling to ask if you’ve given her the letter yet or if you’re just staring at her through the window,”

“Rude,” She replied with fake sass. “I delivered the letter hours ago. I’m just having a nice chat with Alana. Right Alana?!”

Alana laughed and yelled a greeting from the living room.

“See?” She said. “Have more faith in me, big brother.”

Connor stayed silent before chuckling. She heard the distant voice of Evan Hansen in the background.

“Okay, okay, congratulations Zoe,” She could hear the mocking grin on his face. “You’re not a total useless lesbian after all,”

Zoe scoffed in mock offense. “Excuse me, it’s useless bisexual Connie. Get it right.”

She heard a small, indignant shriek from Connor. Serves him right. The nickname ‘Connie’ always got on his nerves.

“Well, I’d love to talk, but this useless bisexual is in the middle of a conversation with a-” Zoe lowered her voice to a whisper. “ _Pretty girl,_ ”

She could hear him roll his eyes. “Fine, just stay safe little one,” He said.

“Bye,” Zoe hung up the phone and went back into Alana’s living room.

Alana and her mother were having an argument.

“What did I say about inviting people without my permission young lady!?” Mrs. Beck yelled.

Alana’s gaze hit the ground, but she grits her teeth. “Well, excuse me for having friends,”

Zoe felt the dancing butterflies go into crescendo. Alana thinks of her as a friend?

“That’s not what I said Alana Erin Beck! This is how the pagans get you.” Alana’s mom hissed.

“Um!” Zoe instinctively yelled out. “It’s not Alana’s fault! It was mine and I’m so sorry,”

“Zoe…” Alana said under her breath in mild shock.

Her mother frowned in disapproval. “Just Alana, go to your room. And you…” Mrs. Beck walks up to her. “Stay away from my daughter,”

Alana tried to protest but a harsh glare from her mother cut her off.

“No.” Zoe simply said. She ran up to Alana and grabbed her hand once more. Zoe ran to the door with Alana in tow, ignoring the protests of her mother.

“I’m going to die when I get back,” Alana said with worry in her voice.

“That’s why we’re not.”

Zoe knew she was a coward, but God damn her before she let a new friend get punished because of her. Plus, she had a damn revolution to start (hopefully with Alana Beck by her side).

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Alana both deserve better. Even the ship deserves better what the hell


	5. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared regrets learning how to read

Evan knew he volunteered to give Jared his letter, but he was seriously regretting his decision. He was, however, the only one who could realistically give this letter to Jared. Evan was pretty sure both Murphy siblings had a distaste for Jared. Though it was justified, that doesn’t make the idea of giving the letter to Jared any less terrifying to him.

Jared’s relationship with his father was… strained at best. That’s something he and Jared had in common.

Gregory Kleinman adored his wife like she was the sun. He had no idea about any of the things his wife and her friends were up to. To be fair, none of them knew until recently, much less someone who was most likely powerless. When Alice disappeared completely, the man was essentially broken. Jared and Isa had to take up the roles of caretakers for Olivier and Viola.

Jared was forced to grow up at the age of eleven, and he was incredibly bitter about that.

Getting a letter from his mom would probably stir up emotions that Jared tried to cover with jokes.

Evan stared at the door of his childhood friend. Jared came home a bit after Connor and Zoe left the house, but Evan couldn’t find it in himself to talk to Jared. He and Jared weren’t really that close anymore. As kids they were kind of glued by the hip, now Jared just insists they’re just “family friends”. Evan never told Jared how much he cried after the first time Jared told him that.

Evan had just accepted as a fact of life: he and Jared were probably never going to be close ever again. Which is why he was terrified to knock on his door.

Olivier stared at him from her room across the hall, deadpan. She looked straight at him before knocking on the door for him. Evan paled.

“Good luck.” Jared’s demon of a sister said to him before retreating to her room.

Jared opened the door with annoyance clearly strewn on his features.

“What?” He said with a scowl, which dropped when he saw it was Evan.

“Hey, Jared…” Evan’s voice trailed off. “Can I, um, talk to you for a bit? It’s kind of important.”

Jared raised a brow before stepping aside and gesturing Evan in.

Jared’s room was still painted a dull gold, which was repainted from green because of his huge cyberpunk phase. Never mind that the situation kind of read like a cyberpunk story. The fake gears painted on the wall were kind of faded, but it was still the same room Evan grew familiar with three years ago. Evan wondered what he did to make Jared push him away, he kind of missed being able to waltz into Jared’s room at will.

Robot parts were scattered on the ground and on Jared’s supposed study table. Jared never really studied for anything except when he was failing English last year (Evan offered to tutor him, but Jared laughed in his face and miraculously passed. Communication was never his forte).

Jared was probably trying to construct another robo-cat after Viola accidently poured water on Orange, Jared’s previous attempt. May he rest in peace.

“So, what’s up Tree Boy?” Jared said, flopping onto his beanbag. Evan carefully sat on the weird anime sheets of Jared’s bed and faced the shorter boy.

Evan was at a loss for words. He didn’t think this far; he thought he was just going to chicken out and tell Connor or Zoe to do it instead. At least they didn’t care about his feelings. Maybe he could just ease his way into the conversation.

“Are you building an Orange 3.0?” Evan eventually asked.

Jared grinned and spun a wrench that in his pocket. “Hell yeah,” He replied. “This time, I’m gonna make him water-proof. Viola will never kill him again.”

Evan carefully listened to Jared ramble about robotics and his building process. Yeah, Evan missed this.

“So Evanescence… Have you been jerking off to Zoe Murphy recently?”

Nevermind.

“What?! No!” Evan shrieked.

Jared cackled and put his hands up. “Hey, no judgement on my part. So, paint me a picture.”

He sat up and rested his chin on his left hand. “You’re in your room, Zoe Murphy’s Instagram on the new phone we bought you…”

Evan cut him off. “No! She was just here with her brother!” He yelled.

Jared’s smirk widened to a full-on Cheshire cat grin.

“I knew you were bi, but a threesome with Marilyn Manson and your lifelong crush? Damn, you get more action than me,” Jared snickered.

Evan could feel his face heat up. He tried to talk but Jared continued.

“Was it seven minutes in Evan? Because no offense, but the Murphy siblings are like a power duo rivalling fucking Jenna Rolan and her phone, and you’re definitely a bottom,”

“Wha-Jared!” Evan began sputtering rebuttals. “I’m not even into Zoe anymore!”

“That’s why I said she was in you.”

“How does that even work!?”

“Oh, you sweet, summer child.”

“That’s not the reason they were over!” Evan’s voice croaked.

He was definitely yelling too much. He needed to get to the point or else he was going to lose his voice.

“Listen,” Evan said, far more quietly and calmly than before. “They came over to give me this-”

Evan held up his letter.

“- and this to you,” Evan pulled out the letter addressed to Jared out of his pocket and placed it in Jared’s hands.

“If you don’t believe me, you can call Zoe or Connor,” He later said after Jared narrowed his eyes in doubt.

Evan stared back at Jared, mustering the best glare he could without looking over-exaggerated.

Jared gave in. “Fuck it. Fine. Now stop that,” He said. “You look like a fucking kitten; you’re not the ‘beast’ you think you are.”

Evan actually glared this time, oddly offended.

Jared unfolded the letter and began to scan its contents. Evan flinched as Jared’s face hardened.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jared threw the letter to the ground.

“Um, Jared, please calm down.” Evan warily approached his friend.

“No, no nononono-- she doesn’t get to do this!” Jared all but yelled. “She can’t just fucking disappear and ruin my life, then turn around and say, ‘oh by the way I’m a fucking rebel, I love you’ it doesn’t work like that!”

 Evan grabbed his shoulder. “Jared, you need to calm down.”

“I can’t fucking calm down! She left me and dad, Isa, Vio and Olive!” Jared growled. “She can’t just fucking dump this on me seven years after leaving!”

As angry tears fell from Jared’s eyes, Evan cautiously hugged his childhood friend. He was right to assume that Jared would be upset.

“It’s not fair!” Jared sobbed. “Why should she—she left us! Why should I fucking do what she wants!?”

Jared’s right hand held Evan’s shirt in his hands as he angrily attempted to wipe the tears from falling on his tanned skin.

“You have to think about how she would have felt,” Evan hated playing devil’s advocate, but he wasn’t leaving Connor or Zoe to soothing Jared from his rage.

“How she felt!? How about how I feel!”

Evan did know he was being a hypocrite, but maybe—just maybe if he could convince Jared, he could convince himself that it wasn’t their mothers’ fault. As hard as the notion was to accept.

It was so much easier to just blame their parents. Evan knew it was easy to pass the blame off to others; he did the same to Jared when he was younger.

“If you had a kid to protect, would you risk disappearing to save them?”

Jared looked at him confused. “What do you mean?” He asked.

Evan knew that Jared already had the answer to that. Jared had magic in his blood. Magic that had manifested. It was never the same, it cycled every month; one week he could create random, small trinkets, another he could make light just disappear. One time during the night Evan swore he saw Jared make things float in the air.

It was a magical revolution, apparently started for their sakes. That’s what the Murphy siblings told him. And Evan desperately wanted to believe them.

He held Jared’s hand. “You have magic.” Evan simply stated. “And your mom probably did too.”

“And?”

“She just wanted to protect you,” Evan picked up the letter and folded it before offering it back to Jared.

“I just… need time to think,” Jared said.

Evan nodded and left the room, with Alice Kleinman’s letter in his pocket.

All he and Jared needed was time.

Evan walked to his room and opened the letter that was burning in his other pocket.

_Dear Evan Hansen…_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know a regular update schedule is. Heck, I'm making most of this up as I go.


	6. Hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor wished he had any of this shit, like self-esteem and an ability to do math

_ Locations _

  1. _~~Autumn Smiles Treehouse~~ **destroyed three years ago** ~~~~_
  2. _~~Christopher’s apartment xxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxx xxx~~ **Literally who?** ~~~~_
  3. _~~Sweeny pub xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxx xxx~~ **Unfortunately, we’re minors** ~~~~_
  4. _~~Heidi’s house~~ **Hansen doesn’t live there anymore** ~~~~_
  5. _~~Jeremy’s arcade~~ **Sounds rad, but I think it’s a mall now** ~~~~_



Connor sighed whilst looking over the locations.  He angrily scratched his head, elbows resting on the dark wood of his ‘study table’. This thing was fucking dated as hell; so many places were destroyed, transformed, or just they’re not allowed in (and Connor didn’t trust whoever Christopher was). Connor was not going to attempt to resurrect the orchard or even find it. They could sneak into the Hansen house, but that was fucking creepy and Evan would probably have a stroke.

So much for finding locations the easy way.

He couldn’t just ask some random stranger: “ _Hey, I know this sounds weird, but can you tell me where the rebels are hiding?”_ Any rebel would be suspicious, and any non-rebel could just report him; so a lose-lose situation.

, On one hand, he was glad he didn’t have to deal with Alana and Kleinman, but apparently, this task was stressful too. He’d smoke, but his stash is very low, and Zoe would get pissy.

She’d take all his money and spend it on God knows what. Maybe she'd just bribe his dealer to never speak to Connor again. That’s something she would do.

Wait.

Maybe his mom’s ex-dealer could have some info. Like, he wasn’t supposed to know that, but Connor wasn’t supposed to try becoming a rebellion leader. He really did take after his mom in a lot of ways. Just not the vegan, quinoa phase. He hoped.

 

 

 

Connor grinned while holding a paper with an address with him. It was pretty easy to find the dealer. His mom had them circled in her phonebook.

Sam Davis instantly recognized Connor and the notebook he brought with him. Apparently, they were a part of this whole thing too. He should never underestimate the mind of a busybody mom. One who also used to smoke.

Turns out the Hansen household was just an entrance. The trio didn’t have to actually enter the house, just find the entrance in the backyard.

Connor decided to scout it out before taking Evan and Zoe there; it’s better to be safe than sorry.

The neighbourhood was mostly abandoned, the people leaving the outskirts of town to live in the lavish downtown. The place was also old as hell, with elderly people being some of the only ones left.

Connor felt bad for Evan. Apparently, this dump was his old house. Connor never really thought twice when the area was planned to be destroyed and reconstructed into a park (or something along that line).

The coast was almost always clear, save the few people living here and a couple of mages working on decaying the concrete.

They seemed rather young, too young to be working like this anyway. All of their eyes were downcast, monotonously using magic to crumble the paved driveways and sidewalks. Destroying the houses was probably their last priority right now.

Connor was grateful for that. He didn’t need a sudden timer counting down to how much time they have to find the hideout. Connor knew he also had to hurry, so no one could notice him.

The Hansen household was very small. A lot smaller than his house. On the front yard was an abandoned toy truck with the initials _EH_ scribbled in marker, skewed haphazardly on an old porch swing.

That was cute. The truck was clearly treasured by Evan, judging by how worn the paint on the truck was. Evan probably had a quiet childhood, with a loving mom and a strong dad. The building just screamed home, a lot more than his suburban, white-picket fenced house. It made him wonder where the hell Evan’s dad was.

Walking in the doorway, Connor was met with dust and framed family photos. There were many pictures of a tiny Evan Hansen scattered on the walls.

One had Evan on a see-saw at what he assumed was a local park.

Another had a baby Evan in a suit, attending a wedding.

There was even one from Evan’s first day at school(?), mild tears present in his eyes but grinning nonetheless.

He wandered through the halls, like Anna from _Anastasia_ when she found the palace. He was mesmerized by the yellow painted walls and the worn couch. He noted two doors that had a piece of paper attached to each. The first one had Evan’s name scribbled in crayon. The other—while still noticeably childlike—had a more neatly printed _Mommy_ written in pencil. In that room were messy blankets and many tissues. Papers were scattered about, with pencilled writing on each one, each addressed to Evan’s mom.

Connor didn’t dare to read them. He wasn’t going to read Evan’s private letters to his mom, most likely written in loneliness and distress.

Connor didn’t know too much about the Hansen household, but he knew that they were infinitely closer than the Murphy’s were. At least Zoe and Connor had each other, Evan probably had nobody at the time.

Connor picked up the letters and carefully placed them in the pockets of his hoodie. He didn’t know why, but he thinks he should hold on to this for Evan’s mom. If she’s still alive.

Connor wandered to Evan’s room, painted a sky blue. There was a lot of blue, just like his room at the Kleinman house. It looked pristine and untouched, with a layer of dust covering all of its contents. He looked around and found little trinkets from Evan’s home life. A suit in a plastic with a sticky note that read: _Bar Mitzvah!_ A worn copy of a star atlas. A small plant that was probably fake, long with withered plants surrounding it. A small plush kitten, with a messy _please_ scribbled on a sticky note with a marker.

Connor decided to dig around. If this place was going to be torn down, he might as well give Evan a memento of his old house.

While searching his closet, Connor found a small box with penned cursive on the top.

_When you’re old enough to solve this, you can have what’s inside._

_-Mom_

There was a small lock with three numbers, and three math problems to go along with it.

_In a certain country ½ of 5 = 3. If the same proportion holds, what is the value of 1/3 of 10? Divide by 2._

_How many 9’s are in the range of 1 to 100? Divide by 10._

_Mom and dad have five daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?_

God, he loathed math.

He quickly looked up the answers to each riddle and wrote them on his hand.

“Two, two, and eight,” He muttered to himself.

He input the number to the lock and it clicked open.

A necklace with an amethyst pendant came into view. It was roughly polished and had two pearls on top of the amethyst. A silver chain held the pendant in place.

The necklace shimmered with an aura of sorts. It felt warm and mildly familiar. Connor could feel there was magic hidden in it. He decided to give the necklace to Evan, mentally apologizing to him for solving the riddles without him.

Connor traced his steps back to the main hall and eventually found the doors leading to the backyard. The grass was browned with years of neglect. The only things outside were a small shed and a mini-playground.

Obviously, the shed was the entrance, but he felt drawn to the playground. He was way too tall to do anything but observe it. He saw one of those play buttons and decided to push it, like a twelve-year-old.

A small buzz came from the ground before it went back to silence. He tried pushing it again to no avail.

He decided to push the button in the rhythm of the lock.

_Two, two, eight._

He took brief pauses after each number. The slide opened up to reveal a small entrance that led underground. _Bingo._

He shut the split-slide and began running to the Kleinman house, where he assumed they’d meet. He hoped the other two had finished their task because Connor was not patient whatsoever.

 

 

He found Evan awkwardly sitting on the bench near the entrance. His bottom lip looked slightly swollen and his fingers constantly lingered by the hem of his shirt.

He noticed a lack of the letter that he and Zoe had given Evan. There wasn’t even a crinkle in his pants that signified that anything was in his pocket. Perhaps he didn’t want to read it yet. Which was honestly fair, he could understand how Evan would be bitter after years of abandonment. Had Zoe not been there with him, he’d probably have abandonment issues alongside the self-loathing.

Connor didn’t really know Evan Hansen that well. The kid obviously had some form of anxiety along with other hang-ups. He was quiet and nice from what he could tell. Evan didn’t really stand out from the crowd.

“Hey,” Connor greeted before sitting next to Evan. “How did it go with Jared?”

Evan crinkled his nose. “You make it sound like I asked him out,” he dryly said.

Connor laughed. “Ew, hell no. He’s like the closest thing to straight out of the five of us.”

Evan tilted his head in confusion. “Did I…” His voice trailed off as Connor shook his head.

“Nah, he just reads as 'very straight white boy,'”

“Excuse you, it's a pan white boy, bitch,” Jared Kleinman said, walking down his stairs.

Connor rolled his eyes. “Great, he’s finally come out. Congrats ex-straight white boy.”

“Um, all of us are white boys, you do realize that?” Evan spoke up.

“Well, not all of us,” Alana said, walking through the door with Zoe.

Zoe grinned. “I guess we can get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was, unfortunately, un-beta'd so please point out any mistakes. I make a lot of them


	7. Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy-Kleinman banters was foreign, but welcome

The five teens all sat in a circle in the Kleinman’s basement.

“It’s way too suspicious if we had met in the living room,” Jared said.

“Plus, me and Jare’s rooms aren’t big enough to comfortably accommodate us all,” Evan added.

Zoe nodded. “Yeah, I think Jared doesn’t want his twelve-year-old sister to learn her big brother is going to be a new kind of rebel.”

Jared laughed. “Watch out Murphy, a new bad boy’s in town.” He teased while shooting finger guns at Connor.

“Excuse you, I am the bad boy of this group.” Connor turned to look at Jared. “Right, Jare-Bear?”

“Aw, Connie, you flatter me,” His voice was filled with friendly teasing.

Zoe grinned while watching her brother and Jared fucking Kleinman banter. She looked over at Evan and saw his mildly confused but amused expression.

The two assholes in their lives were having a surprisingly friendly argument. The last time she saw the two being this civil to each other was when she was five when they were just playing a game of tag close to the kindergarten area.

Connor hated Jared’s guts ever since second grade, when Connor pushed the printer, around the time their parents disappeared. She remembered crying and telling them they didn’t have a mommy and daddy and getting in trouble for saying that. Mr. Harris had to pretend to be their disappointed dad.

She remembered in seventh grade where she and Evan had to pull the two away from each other, both with bloodied knuckles; Connor called her a bitch for the first time after that. At least she thinks it was the first time.

And she was damn sure the two absolutely loathed each other since sophomore year. Especially after she got into a spat with Jared in English (which the boy was awful in), and Connor took it personally.

Seeing them kind of get along was strange. Clearly, Alana and Evan thought so too, because they both looked on in confusion. Alana was probably the closest to both Connor and Jared out of the three of them.

Alana cleared her throat. “Anyway,” She started. “Let’s actually talk about something serious.”

Her voice was characteristically chipper while she said this, in Zoe’s opinion. She would have deadpanned or yelled. There’s no in between.

Her brother and Jared essentially ignored her.

Zoe watched as Alana wilted. Zoe felt offended by the fact that they just kept arguing.

“Hey, assholes!” She yelled. “Play time’s over!”

Zoe grabbed both boys by the ear and smirked in satisfaction at their protests of pain. Serves them right.

Connor and Jared grumbled and sat next to her and Evan respectively.

Alana smiled at her before starting again. “As I was saying, we should talk about our parents and the rebellion.”

Zoe saw Jared’s lips turn slightly downward. She instinctively bumped his shoulder, hoping that he and Connor were similar in that front.

Jared stared at her before quickly cracking a half-assed grin.

Evan spoke up. “I think you two should fill Alana and Jared in on what you told me,” He said to them.

“You just want me to tell them about my fucking hand again,” Connor scowled.

Zoe could see Evan pale and she quickly came to his defence. “Shove off, Connor! He’s not talking about that, he’s talking about the important parts.”

Her brother rolled his eyes while Evan gave her a grateful look.

“So we’re in the house and found a mystery attic,” Connor started.

“Like the haunted attic in my house? My grandma used to collect these antique dolls that filled the attic and we’d hear noises up there sometimes.” Alana asked. Zoe almost snickered when Jared’s face paled slightly.

“What? No,” Connor said, mildly bewildered. “Like we haven’t seen it before, not creepy dolls.”

Connor continued with his tale of finding the letters.

“Connor cried like a baby,” Zoe added.

“Says you.” He quickly shot back.

“Can we, um, just stay focused on the relevant parts?” Evan helpfully reminded.

“Right,” Zoe nodded her head and continued for Connor. “So we found the letters or Connor found the letters, and it turns out my parents were intimidating for different reasons; they have magic.”

“-and were rebellion leaders.” Evan piped in.

“Wow, lucky…” Alana said with a dreamy sigh to her voice.

“Lucky?” Jared asked.

“My dad had powers, I knew that but I’m just… normal.”

Jared reached over and squeezed her hand. “Hey, at least people don’t want you dead.”

Zoe snorted. “That’s exactly why our parents wanted to fight, so none of us would wind up a slave.”

“But how do you plan to exactly do that?” Alana asked. “We’re not exactly fighting mages ourselves, unlike our parents.”

Zoe and her brother exchanged a glance before propping themselves up with their powers.

“Excuse you,” Connor said sarcastically. “I may not be able to set people on fire, but I can blow them away with my own powers.”

Jared and Alana looked on with amazement while Evan looked away from the siblings. Zoe paid no mind to it.

“So we have two powerhouses…” Alana trailed off. “In comparison to five.”

Jared looked offended. “Please. The Murphy’s were just the opening act.” An apple appeared in his hand. “The insanely cool Jared Kleinman can do many things with his hands.”

Zoe stared quizzically. “What do you think your power is?” She asked. Jared shrugged.

“I don’t really know, it’s random.” He answered.

Connor groaned. “So you’re a fucking wildcard?”

“It doesn’t vary peruse,” Jared clarified. “It changes every few days. Sometimes I can float along with other things, sometimes I get sights of the future, sometimes I can create small shit like this.” Jared took a bite out of his apple.

“Well, maybe we could establish a pattern, so we know what you could do?” Alana suggested.

“It goes on a pattern of making shit, being able to hit things harder, making things float, light, and the future-sight.” Jared gestured vaguely, attempting to represent the powers with his hands. “But once the future-sight hits, it goes in reverse order.”

Evan scribbled the information down on a piece of paper he found.

_Creation_

_Strength?_

_Gravity probably_

_Light_

_Future Sight_

_Light_

_Gravity_

_Strength_

_Creation_

Evan handed the paper to Jared. “Like this?” He asked, just to confirm.

Jared nodded.

Zoe looked over the list and noticed something.

“Isn’t this like the moon cycle?” She asked, hoping that her mild obsessions with astral things were going to pay off. Unless she was projecting.

“I can do things better during the night,” Jared said.

“So we can assume it fluctuates with the moon,” Alana concluded.

“Yay, a totally unnecessary mystery solved.” Connor dryly said while putting his hands up in jazz-hands.

Zoe glared at him. “I think it’s important to know what our teammates can do.” She looked apologetically at Jared and Alana. “I’m sorry about him. He can get pissy for no reason sometimes.”

Connor muttered something under his breath, along the lines of ‘what happened to not going off topic’.

Zoe huffed. “Well, I guess that means Jared has moon powers, Connor has wind powers, and I have earth powers.”

“And Evan and Alana are muggles.” Jared joked.

Evan didn’t respond, and Alana tilted her head.

“What’s a muggle?” She asked.

Connor gasped quietly. “You poor, unfortunate soul.” He whispered.

“Ev, are you alright? You’ve been more quiet than usual.” Jared asked.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to intrude? On your conversation- it seemed important and I can’t add anything so…” He answered rapidly, biting his already bruised lips. “Um, sorry.”

Zoe winced with sympathy. Jared meanwhile went to grab Evan’s shoulders.

“Okay, dude you need to breathe.” He gently said. “You’re always cool with us, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” He apologized once more.

“Don’t sweat it!” Alana said. “I get how it feels to not get people’s conversations.”

Evan warmly smiled. “Um, thanks. It’s just that I don’t really want to talk about powers right now.”

“Alright,” Zoe said. “Let’s talk about the real elephant in the room.”

“Ah, yes. The YA trope.” Jared sighed. “Are you ready, Zoe. Zoella. Zozo, Zo. Zoe-poo. Are you ready to become the next generic strong female character?”

“That honour goes to Connor, thank you very much.”

“Bitch.” Her brother said in response.

“What? You have the ‘I’m not like other girls’ sort of vibe to you.” She replied cheekily.

“This is fucking slander.” He muttered.

“All you need is a sweet, generic white boy to sweep you off your feet!”

“Did you mean: Evan?” Jared said.

Evan and Connor both sputtered some choice words.

“No more novel talk!” Evan shrieked.

Alana simply clapped her hands and the whole room went still.

God, Zoe was so gay.

“That was fucking hot.” She said after a moment of silence, losing control of her mouth. “Shit.”

Alana looked caught off guard. She twiddled with a strand of her hair and muttered some thanks.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Connor said, drawing the attention away from her. “We need to think of a plan.”

“Very profound Mr. Murphy,” Jared said.

“Fuck off,” Connor responded. “Mom said for us to meet up with some other rebels.”

“That’s where Connor was,” Evan added. “Zoe and I gave you two the letters.”

They both nodded.

“So I found some interesting stuff at Hansen’s old house, including an entrance to the hideout.” Connor continued.

“What do you mean by ‘interesting’ stuff?” Evan asked.

Connor pulled out a small box from the pocket of his hoodie.

“What the fuck,” Jared said.

Connor flipped him off and gave it to Evan.

“Your mom left it for you.” He said. “Sorry for solving it without you.”

“Oh, no! It’s fine.” Evan reassured. “I suck at math anyway.”

Evan opened the box to reveal a pretty necklace that glowed with the basement lights.

He stared at the pendant. She assumed it was probably one of the last links Evan had to his mom.

He touched it gently, then spoke up. “Um, Connor?”

“Yeah?” Her brother replied.

“Can you put it on me?” Evan asked.

“Sure.”

Zoe watched as Connor gently put the necklace on Evan’s neck. It oddly fit the boy, even if it was amethyst.

“Thank you,” Evan whispered.

“Enough of this mushy stuff.” Jared interrupted. “Let’s go to Evan’s house and fuck shit up.”

“Um, Jared? We are at my house,”

“Fuck off, Hansen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200... hits... I'm going to scream  
> Should I keep a list of what powers each character has, updating with the story?   
> idk but thank you such much!!


	8. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is a friend and holds Evan's hand

Evan felt a bitter kind of nostalgia hit him while they walked the familiar roads of Lumen Street. The cracked sidewalks, the slightly-dying grass, the bloodstain on the road from the kid who tripped on his skateboard and split their chin; it was almost sickening.

He remembered being so _lonely_. He just turned eleven, on the twenty-seventh of February or the first of March, it didn’t matter. She left on March 2 nd. He wasn’t even allowed to sit in shotgun yet, much less raise himself.

He remembered running around and looking for her the next morning, only to find a bag with his name on it, filled with cash and a short apology.

Evan knew he had a longer apology now, but he couldn’t find it in himself to read it.

Reading the greeting was enough to make him sick. ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ just felt so impersonal, like his mom wasn’t even thinking when she wrote it, or like she wrote it to an old college friend.

Despite what he thought about how Jared would take his letter, Evan was definitely taking it worse. At least Jared could read his without throwing up his breakfast all over his bedroom floor. The letter was a sick reminder of his cowardice and bitterness.

Wait.

“Connor?” Evan asked.

Connor hummed in response.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” He replied.

“Why do you know where my old house is?”

Connor almost looked like he choked before straightening himself up. “Um, it was in one of my mom’s journals.”

“Oh.”

The group fell silent again as they passed Lumen to turn on Vesil street, where a familiar bungalow--with weird smelling carpets and other trinkets--was situated. Evan had to hold back more vomit.

Evan desperately wanted to act like he was being reminded of the good ol’ days, but he felt dizzy from the idea of even being happy here anymore. His last memory here was when Mrs. Holtzer from a couple of houses down the road acted as his guardian while the search for his mother went on. She loved going out of town, leaving Evan completely alone most of the time.

When he was twelve, it got to be too much. He was taken in by Jared's family after attempting to drown himself on his birthday. His _real_ birthday.

The door to the house was unsurprisingly kicked in. Footprints from Connor’s boots were slightly visible, thanks to the mild rain outside.

All of them were fucking wet. (Like, _damp_ kind of wet—moist?) None of them had an umbrella on them, so they had a lovely half-hour trek from Jared’s place to here, all wet and mildly sticky for God knows why.

Was Evan bitter? Yes. He wanted to scream at the moon, or the ocean, or a tree. He was wet, he was angry, he was nauseous, and mostly he was tired.

Jared seemed to notice his distress.

“Hey, Acorn.” He quietly greeted. “You can stay behind if you want.”

Evan appreciated the notion, but his comfort wasn’t worth the absurd amount of self-hatred that would follow if the other four just went on without him. ‘Evan Hansen, wallflower-extraordinaire. So ordinary that you’d assume he was part of the background.’ He’d rather die than live another year of that.

“It’s fine.” He said. “I just… miss this place.”

Jared gave him a look, clearly doubtful, but he didn’t push the subject.

They walked into the dark but familiar halls, filled with discount furniture, a zodiac chart, and old photos with his face on them. Basically the way it’s always been.

How he longed for the banter that was happening just an hour ago. The silence was deafening.

They made their way through the house, passing the small kitchen and the hall leading to his ex-room. Well, technically it was still his, but he just never occupied it in the last five years.

In the backyard was the old storage shed, and the small playground that Ms. Patel gave their family after her divorce, saying she was now a free woman and didn’t need it.

Connor walked up to the playground and pressed the toy button in a particular sequence. He wondered how Connor figured it out. Not that he thought Connor was dumb, he just wondered if there was a penalty for getting it wrong. Unless it was just that Connor was super lucky. He doubted it, but the possibility was always up in the air.

The slide split open to reveal an entrance. A cave that hopefully led to the resistance’s hideout.

“Come on,” Zoe said, leading the charge. “Let’s go in before someone sees us.”

“Yeah.” Alana nodded and climbed in the hole after Zoe.

Connor jumped in immediately after Alana.

“Dude are you really alright?” Jared asked. “You’re pale as hell.”

Evan nodded half-heartedly; Jared gave him an annoyed look.

“What a compelling argument, Evan. With your quivering chin and distant, teary eyes. An amazing liar.” He said, then changing his tone. “We still have the chance to bolt, y’know?”

“No!” Evan shouted. “It’s not that.”

“Then?”

“It’s just that this house gives me bad memories.”

Jared stayed silent and grimaced. It was Jared who found him unconscious in the water that day. When he straight up begged his dad to let Evan stay with them during his stay in the hospital.

Jared had essentially mama-beared Evan until high school, like full-on reminding him to sleep and comb his hair. He was a surprisingly good caretaker. According to Mr. Kleinman, he took after his mom in almost everything.

“And, I’m scared.” Evan continued. “What if I mess all of this up? We could die out there! I’m not special like you or Zoe or Connor. I don’t have the dedication and passion of Alana.”

“I doubt that.” Jared laughed. “Knowing you, you probably have hidden tree/space powers or something.”

Jared adjusted his glasses and grinned. “Plus, you have the insanely cool Jared Kleinman here. You’re not going to die when you have the best thing next to Jesus and Batman with you.”

Evan awkwardly returned the smile. “Are you sure Jare? We might never be able to come back.”

“Yeah,” He answered. “But I thought about it, and I want to give mom some shit, and if it means going on some stupid adventure, so be it.”

“Re-really?”

“Trust me my, dude. I’m not leaving without you.”

“But what if I-I end up being a liability? What if they turn us away because they figure out that I’m just—just some powerless nobody?” Evan stuttered out, lowering his voice ‘til it was barely above a whisper.

“I’ll fight them.” Jared quickly replied. “Mess with my Hansen, you get the wrath of the J-Meister.”

Jared gently grabbed Evan’s (slightly sweaty) hand. Evan stared him in the eye.

“Look, Ev… I know I’ve been a pretty shitty friend these past few years, but I know that saying everything will go without a hitch would be fucking stupid, and I kind of care about you.” Jared mindlessly rubbed his thumb on Evan’s palm. “Things might not be absolutely peachy the whole time, but _c’est la vie._ So what if we get into some shitty, life-threatening situation? We can just deal with it when it comes by. If we die, at least we did in an awesome manner.”

Evan eventually nodded and gave one last nostalgic glance at his old home. Instead in his eyes were military mages, running towards the yard from a relatively short distance.

“Shit!” Jared yelled, yanking Evan into the hole with him and slamming the slide shut.

“We-we have to go before they get an earth mage to break the entrance!”

Jared and Evan ran down the only pathway the tunnel offered, illuminating the way with a lantern made by Jared.

Jared was decidedly the faster runner, from years of going to camp and actually doing things, unlike Evan who went camping and hid in the forest. He still held Evan’s hand—er wrist and tugged him along until they reached Connor and company.

“Where the fuck were yo- why the hell are you _holding hands_?” Connor hissed.

Jared hastily let go of Evan’s wrist.

“Um, that’s not important,” Evan said, feeling slightly offended at both Jared and Connor’s reaction. “Apparently, a bunch of teenagers walking in the rain with no umbrella, in silence was enough to warrant suspicion.”

“Shit.” Zoe whispered.

“And they’re probably chasing us now.” Jared added.

“ _Shit._ ” Connor repeated with Zoe.

The five of them began running again, down the straight narrow cavern with Alana’s phone and Jared’s lantern as their only sources of light.

What felt like hours of running was probably only a few minutes, but they were quickly stopped by a loud, deep, authoritative voice.

“Halt.”

Evan, Zoe, and Connor shrieked. It was more of a strangled screech on his part, but he was trying to save some dignity. As little as there was.

A tall figure walked towards them. The light revealed a man just a bit taller than Connor, but far broader and darker, brown hair. Aka, very intimidating, tall man. Evan was only 5’7” himself, but this made him feel like a kindergartener, not like an average teen.

The man took a defensive stance, and something made the hairs on the back of his neck stand.

“How did you find this place?” He demanded, voice almost bellowing in the cavern.

Connor looked at Zoe and she nodded at something Connor must’ve said with his eyes. He reached into his bookbag and pulled out the journal they showed Evan earlier.

“My name is Connor. My mom was Cynthia Murphy and My dad was Larry Murphy.” He spoke in a demanding tone, shoulders squared and staring the hulk of a man straight in the eye with determined blue eyes.

The man’s posture slightly relaxed and pulled out a device that he spoke quietly into.

“Come with me. If you’re lying, we won’t hesitate to silence you. Permanently.” He eventually said and motioned for them to follow him.

They all let out varying sighs of relief.

“Tall people are kind of intimidating,” Alana whispered. Jared nodded.

Sometimes Evan thought about the fact that he was essentially the same height as Zoe. The thought was a new revelation, discovered only two months ago though. Like obviously Connor reigned supreme in height, but Zoe and Evan were actually tied for second tallest. This man was just too tall, and Evan was positively terrified.

The man led them through the cavern, which began to twist and turn as they went further in. At this point, the group was kind of grateful for their intimidating guide. He doubted there were instructions on how to avoid falling to death in a cave obviously meant to keep the prying eye away in the journal. Or even how to soothe an angry, muscular man who happened to be six-foot infinity.

He saw Jared decided to put his headphones on. He wished he had the insight to bring his pair or the insight to bring a jacket.

Fall dampness and cold caverns mixed with Evan’s awful immune system was a recipe for a bad cold at the minimum.

A jacket was thrown on his shoulders.

Evan turned around to see Connor Murphy only bearing a button up over what he thinks is a t-shirt, his bookbag in his hands.

Connor caught his stare. “You were shivering like hell, and I’m one of those white kids who could wear shorts in the winter if they pleased so…” His voice trailed off.

Evan’s face warmed up intensely. He was glad Jared wasn’t paying attention to him at the moment. This was definitely a scene straight from a trashy romcom.

“Um, thanks.” He said, unsure of what else to say.

Connor seemed satisfied by his answer and fell back, relaxing at a slower pace.

Evan didn’t even know how fast he was walking until he realized that he, Jared, and tall and muscular were at least ten metres away from the rest of them.

Embarrassed, Evan slowed down. He didn’t mean to make it look like he was super ecstatic to follow some dude in a dark place. He was just… lost in thought.

Evan fingered the cloth of Connor’s jacket, just to cool down his nerves. It smelled nicer than what he would have imagined, like musk and sweat, which was the more unpleasant but subtle of the two. It snuggled nicely on his shoulders, still bearing warmth from its previous wearer; the cloth wasn’t that heavy either. The warm fabric was calming, with the scent and warmth surrounding him like a fleecy blanket on a winter day.

He didn’t even notice that they arrived at the gate of some sort. He walked straight into it, Jared snickering in the background.

He flushed and apologized to the tall man. He really needed some name. He didn’t want to call him ‘tall man’ out loud by accident (if they were alive that long anyway).

“Welcome to the CALAH resistance, previously known as the _screw-the-government_ rebellion. The name is a courtesy of your mother.” He said to Connor.

“Is ‘screw the government’ the dollar-store version of ‘fuck the police’?” Jared asked jokingly.

“Ignore him.” Zoe immediately said. “Thank you for bringing us here, sir.”

The man hummed in reply and disappeared into a building.

The hideout was actually impressive, especially since it was underground. Literally. Towers of concrete, steel and glass were scattered throughout an open area, with earth mages sprouting fruits or reconstructing a building that looked like it was set on fire. Street-performers performing magic tricks for mesmerized onlookers and some playing their powers off of each other. A Roman-style arena that was probably used for training magic.

There were several people walking around in casual clothes. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think this was some new mall or city that was built recently. The fact that everyone here was a rebel seemed kind of strange to him.

A woman in her twenties walked out of the building their guide went into and made a beeline for them.

She smiled warmly, her pale skin glimmering in the artificial light. “You must be Connor and friends.” She said.

Connor nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m Valerie Rivers, I’m the current leader of CALAH. We’re still finding a way to stick a V in there.” She said with playfulness in her voice. “We’ve been waiting for you ever since the word got back.”

“What do you mean, Ms. Rivers?” Alana asked.

“You don’t know?”  They shook their head.

Valerie gave them a sympathetic look. “All of your parents were captured on the raid in the palace. It turns out we had a little traitor.”

Evan felt bile rise in his throat. God, he was hoping for anything but that: being used as a plaything until you die but that’s the fate that befell their parents.

“But before we can welcome you into the group,” She said. “I need you five to follow me.”

She began leading the way to the Roman arena.

People whispered when they passed by, some pointing and others just sending glances in their direction. Evan knew it was because of Valerie but Evan shrunk into himself regardless.

Inside was a large dirt field, split off into sections with glowing lines. The largest section was in the middle, and they were heading directly towards it.

“Okay.” Valerie said once the reached the middle. “You need to prove yourselves by knocking me down in battle.”

Evan and Alana looked at each other panicked. “Um, ma’am? She and I don’t have powers.”

“Well, good luck then.” She responded.

Large vines sprouted from the earth beneath her, her blonde hair almost floating while her eyes glowed a fluorescent green.

Connor tossed his bag to the side and fell into a defensive stance, like Zoe and Jared.

Jared created two swords and tossed them to him and Alana.

“You can’t make us do all the work.” He said.

Connor flew up and razor shreds of winds were sent towards their temporary adversary. Zoe lifted the earth from the ground and flung them towards Valerie; while Jared began creating miscellaneous objects to throw at her.

The sword Jared tossed him was pretty heavy. It wasn’t unbearable but heavy nonetheless. Alana ran towards Valerie and swung her sword with practiced expertise. Evan forgot that she took Kendo as a kid.

Their flurry of attacks was easily deflected.

 Shards of rock and gusts of wind were scattered.

Each person cast their spells and attempted to get a hit in, to no avail.

Evan noticed each of them was beginning to tire, all breathing heavily while staying stagnant in one place.

A vine lunged straight for Evan. He panicked and attempted to block it with his sword, but it was knocked out of his hand, a second vine closely approaching.

Evan took a bracing stance. This was how he was going to do. ‘Evan Hansen died because of a plant’. How ironic. He closed his eyes, accepting his fate. He felt an odd warmth, probably the afterlife calling him.

A gentle gasp led him to open his eyes. A barrier of water was on all sides of him, his hands glowing a pretty shade of blue.

“Holy shit," Jared said in disbelief.

The water easily deflected the vines, like a raging ocean that screamed to protect him.

He tried forming a ball of water into his hands, and it appeared surprisingly easily.

Valerie grinned.

Evan dropped the sword and joined Jared at his side.

“Told you that you were special.” He said.

It was like now that he was aware of it, the water came to his hands naturally, like it was waiting for him to realize his power.

Zoe and Connor muttered something to each other and nodded.

Rock formations began to form over the vines, effectively pinning them down while Connor created a small tornado to catch Valerie off guard. Jared realized what they were doing and began creating metal bars to hold the vines down.

Evan formed a large ball of water and sent it like a heavy river towards Valerie while Alana was hacking each vine down.

The sudden wave of water caused her to lose balance and she dramatically fell to the ground.

She sat up and smiled. “Well kids, welcome to CALAH.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i suck at action but i chose a story filled with it. I'm probably doing the power list anyway  
> Heidi ??  
> Cynthia Fire  
> Larry Ice  
> Aaron Lightning  
> Alice Illusion  
> Evan Water  
> Connor Wind  
> Zoe Earth  
> Jared Creation (for now)  
> Alana ??


	9. New Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe is jealous and Jared has feelings

It was obvious to Connor that Valerie let them win. No one flops dramatically to the ground as gracefully as she did. But honestly, he was kind of glad she let them win. He could tell she was way stronger than any of them combined.

She wasn’t even winded from the half hour that they were fighting. Hell, she jogged to her office almost immediately after she welcomed them.

Connor was honestly surprised he was still standing.

Alana took martial arts as a kid, and Jared was bragging about his ‘totally rad secret agent’ skills. Zoe had mentioned she and Evan took the same kickboxing classes together. Connor was just some lazy asshole with his strength being a more sporadic kind of thing; on a good day he can run three kilometres non-stop.

Magic just didn’t seem to tire him as much as it did the others.

Zoe was flopped on top of a heaving Jared, both looking the most exhausted out of the six people on the battlefield. When Connor gave her a weird look, she flipped him off and said Jared was a good pillow. Connor didn’t comment on that.

Evan seemed more fascinated with his newfound powers more than anything. Evan sat cross-legged on the ground, playing with a ball of water with innocent glee. To be fair Connor flew for almost a day straight when he learned to use his powers.

Wait.

He realised he was an idiot. He wasn’t winded because he literally controlled wind. He probably subconsciously regulated the flow of oxygen or something. Even a person as terrible at science as he was could probably figure that out.

Connor wondered if the same thing applied to the others, like Evan wouldn’t need to drink water all that often, or Jared could be a werewolf on full moons. Okay, that didn’t really make sense, but it was funny to think about. Jared Kleinman covered in fur, panting or some shit.

He wouldn’t even know what benefits Zoe would have; fast healing? The ability to talk to plants? The ability to become a plant?? He made a mental note to ask Jared or Alana about their opinions on the matter (Zoe doesn’t count, she’s a biased party). He wasn’t bothering Evan, he looked like he was having fun and Connor didn’t want to burst his bubble. Ha ha.

Connor glanced over at Alana and saw her leaning on her sword, deep in thought. He walked over and sat down next to her. She looked at him, puzzled.

“Hi.” She greeted, whilst fiddling with her braids. “Evan’s water powers seem pretty cool.”

“Oh, um, sorry.” He said in sympathy. “Because you know, it was a duo thing for you two… On the bright side, you’re the badass normal of the group.”

“Is it really ‘badass’ if I barely did anything?”

“That’s not true.” Connor responded, shoulder bumping her out of reflex. “Kleinman was literally just flinging random things at Valerie the whole time.”

“Hey, I resent that!” Jared yelled from his spot on the ground. Zoe snickered.

Zoe stood up and dragged Jared towards Alana, sitting next to the latter while Jared was placed in front of Connor.

“Alana,” Zoe started, gently grabbing the older girl’s hand and made eye contact with her. “You don’t have to have magic to be amazing. Hell, you still outshine us without it, how much more with magic? You still stood your ground and never yielded.”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed. “You were fucking amazing. Trust me, I know what awesome looks like.”

“Do you really?” Connor snorted.

“Rude. But that’s besides the point.” Jared said. “You’re fucking rad Alana.”

Alana blinked in disbelief before looking to the ground, becoming fascinated by her shoelaces. “Um, thanks.” She said half-heartedly.

A tense silence filled the air.

“Do you think Jared could be a werewolf?!” Connor blurted. He noticed Alana was becoming uncomfortable with all their praises and reassurance, which was strange, but Connor decided to not bring it up. He knew all too well about topics he just wanted to be completely ignored, even if the topics were worlds apart.

The other three stared at him with varying levels of confusion and amusement.

“Wha- what the fuck? What the fuck??” Jared whispered. Alana and Zoe burst out laughing.

“Werewolf?! Are you high?!” Zoe cackled. “Oh, hi Evan.”

Connor turned to see Evan awkwardly walking towards them and sitting next to him. The ball of water was still present in his hands.

“What are you guys talking about?” He asked.

Zoe laughed and answered. “Jared’s a furry.”

Jared gaped and stared at her in betrayal.

“Well, we were going to discuss the possibility of Jared being a werewolf.” Alana corrected, probably for Jared’s sake.

“Oh.” Evan quietly said. “I sure hope not. That would give his last year’s Halloween costume a new meaning.”

“Hey, the furry thing was ironic!” Jared retorted.

“Is it really Kleinman?” Connor asked, very amused by the idea of a furry Jared.

Jared sputtered before taking a deep breath. “That might just be you projecting Murphy.” He eventually answered.

The Murphy’s looked at Jared in confusion.

“Not you, little Murphy.” Jared ‘reassured’. “I recall Connor had a thing for horses in thir-”

Connor cut him off. “Fuck off Kleinman!”

Jared cackled as Evan looked at him.

“I think it’s pretty cool you had something to be passionate about.” Evan said.

Connor felt blood rush to his face. “Well, you had passions too…” He muttered. “Like that speech you gave in sophomore year about deforestation.”

“Until I vomited my breakfast all over Sabrina Patel’s papers.” Evan deadpanned, looking away.

“But it was still a damn good speech… until you vomited over Sabrina Patel’s papers.”

Evan laughed under his breath, just loud enough for Connor to hear. It was kind of nice, almost childlike but a bit awkward like he wasn’t used to laughing all that much.

“Um, thanks. That means a lot.” Evan’s face similarly turned red. Connor was glad he wasn’t the only embarrassed one.

It was kind of nice, idly talking to people he was only acquainted with until recently in a pretty weird situation. He never would have thought there would be a time that he’d be casually talking to these people, sans his sister of course. Evan was too withdrawn, Alana was intimidating, and Jared was an insufferable asshole.

But for now, Jared was oddly gentle; not taking bait from Connor and was almost pleasant to talk to. Connor from a day ago would have laughed at anyone who would even suggest the notion of him and Kleiman getting along. Was it because Connor revealed the whereabouts of his mom? Maybe. Connor didn’t mind if he had to be honest.

“So, kiddos.” Valerie said, walking up to the five of them. “All the prep for your arrival is being taken care of. Darian said it would be better if I was the one who showed you five around.”

“Darian?” Alana asked.

“Oh, the one who led you here.” Valerie answered. “He noticed you guys were very intimidated by him, so he left the task to _moi_.”

The leader mock-bowed while placing her hand on her chest; she swiftly turned and motioned for them to follow her.

Alana stood up and copied Valerie’s movements. Connor rolled his eyes and followed her.

 

 

It turns out that everything was powered by magic down here.

“We’ve had years to figure the structure out, as well as hone our powers.” Valerie said. “Some of the more powerful ones figured out how to make life down here the same as normal cities, with the key difference being that we can freely use magic here.”

Alana’s eyes shone with fascination. “Really? How does that even work?” She asked.

Valerie grinned. “Well, some magicians realised that clashing certain types of magic together can create a kind of energy, which can act as electricity.” She answered. “Also, some water mages discovered a nearby water source, so we can source our water form there.”

“And the structures were built by earth mages?” Zoe asked.

The older woman nodded. “With help from some nature mages too.” A small plant sprouted in her hands, which grew into miniature tree. “We provided wood and other natural resources.”

Connor looked around, taking in the view of the city that the rebellion forces built. Had it not been for the lack of a blue sky and the mages openly using magic, Connor would’ve thought it was just a regular city. It was almost utopian, for mages at least.

Valerie showed them key locations of the base: her office, some of the housing, the rest of the arena, and the emergency exits. She said it was just in case their location was revealed.

“So people just live down here?” Evan asked.

Valerie nodded. “Some find it too dangerous to live above ground.” She answered. “We’re always happy to accommodate people who can’t live up there anymore.”

“What about…” Alana started before trailing off.

“Of course.” She answered. “I think you have something special in you, something that you haven’t found yet.”

“She’s right, Alana.” Zoe said. “You already have magic in your veins, and if your dad was a leader here, it must be pretty strong.”

“Aaron was second only to Cynthia.” Valerie said. “He was one with his powers; bright, quick, and powerful. Bright as in smart--not shiny.”

Connor snorted at her hastily added clarification.

“Plus, even if you don’t have powers, I’m not going to kick you out just because of that.” Valerie added. “I would only kick you out if you were a threat to our movement. Which clearly, you’re not if you’re helping us like your friends.”

Alana looked down bashfully. “Um, thank you.” She said with more sincerity than when Zoe and Jared attempted to comfort her.

Connor looked over at Zoe, who looked mildly upset. He noted to talk to her about it later.

Jared tapped Zoe’s shoulder and whispered something to her. After a bit of silence Zoe muttered a thanks. Jared stuck by her side after a minute of what Connor assumed was contemplation.

“Well, we’re here.” Valerie said, stopping at a building that was both familiar and unfamiliar to them. “This is your parents’ accommodations, for when they decided to stay late to work on some plans. Of course, this is passed down to you.”

The building was bigger than Evan and Jared’s place, but smaller than the Murphy siblings’ house. The white paint on the surface of wood was chipped, and intricately carved door was ever so slightly unhinged. It was probably two or three stories high, with a flat roof as opposed to their houses.

“Oh, um, thank you Ms. Rivers.” Evan eventually said.

“Don’t sweat it.” She answered. “And just call me Valerie. Or Val. Whatever floats your boat. I’m too young to be called a miss.”

“Oh, right, Ms. Valerie.” He awkwardly corrected.

“We’ll… work on that.” She sighed and opened the door.

Connor was greeted with the smell of vanilla and musk, a scent that filled their house when Zoe and Connor were younger. The hallways were lit with scented candles, the flames still young and strong. Pictures of his parents, along with three other people Connor didn’t recognise were hung on the walls, as well as pictures of Connor, Zoe, Evan, Alana, Jared, and Valerie. Deeper in were six, well-worn chairs, with a coffee table in the middle with a laptop and papers strewn about. Each paper had a diagram and detailed instructions about each, written in loopy cursive (which meant Connor couldn’t really read it because he loathed cursive as a kid, and he still does to this day.).

On the left was a black-tiled kitchen, with a complete kitchen set topped off with an island table and several kitchen accessories. The cabinets and shelves looked freshly restocked, like someone hastily shoved food into every crevice.

The five of them split off to explore the house. Connor found himself in the basement, turning on the surprisingly stable lights. At least this place wasn’t like the typical haunted house. A loveseat was placed in front of a familiar flat-screen tv; a tv that his parents told him and Zoe they threw away because it was ‘broken’.

It was weird seeing the house; it was like a secondary home that none of them were even aware of. Connor walked back up the stairs to see Jared sitting on one of the chairs, blankly staring at the laptop that he moved to his lap. Connor sat in the seat next to him.

“Hey.” He greeted.

Jared glanced at him for a brief second before returning his gaze to the screen.

“ _Hey._ ” Connor repeated. “Are you alright?”

“Fuck no.” Jared replied. “Don’t tell Evan that though.”

“Why?” Connor asked.

“Because… mom said to be strong for him.” He answered. “I found a copy of my mom’s letter on this laptop, and the editing time was fucking three hours.”

“She must have put a lot of thought into it, huh.”

Jared mumbled something under his breath and pushed the laptop towards Connor.

_To Jared only (sorry Isa),_

_Hey there Jare, I’m guessing that you found this at a stupid time or something. I know that you take after your father in the way that you find odd things at odd times. If I had to be honest, I didn’t really want to write a letter; I’ve always been more of a hidden tape person myself, but Heidi said it was too dangerous so a letter it is. You’re probably pissy at me, and why wouldn’t you be? I’d be pretty pissed if my mom left without any fucking explanation, so I guess this will act as an explanation. So your mom, aunt Heidi, and her friends are essentially going to sneak into the capital, infiltrate the palace and slit the emperor’s throat, along with his four generals if we have shitty luck. This shit was my idea, but in my defense, I was kind of drunk when we were planning. If we ever see each other again, please don’t tell anyone that. I’d probably die because Cynthia’s temper can be pretty wild. The plan was to succeed, then come home, burn the letters and journals and go back to a better life; but if you’re reading this obviously something went wrong. I can give you the names of the generals, so you can avenge me or something; there’s Anthuria (flame queen), Euodia (water boy), Tiamat (windy gal), and Gandiva (earth dude). They have their own jurisdictions they rule over, so if they’re not in the palace, you can do some digging to find them. The others don’t know this obviously or else they’d take back the plan. Well, I’m not a coward so I can just hope this goes well. If you expected this to be sappy, you know that isn’t the Kleinman style.  But I do love you and hope you don’t fuck up like your mom._

_Your mom,_

_Alice_

“Well, that was one hell of an info dump. More than my mom’s anyway.” Connor muttered.

“That’s… fair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating really late. School's a bitch and I've realised I'm failing almost everything.  
> Validate me,,, please,,, Comment or kudo


	10. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe is a fucking gremlin now. Thanks Connor.
> 
> (She falls a lot)

Watching Alana excitedly talk to Valerie left Zoe burning. She wasn’t necessarily angry, more bitter than anything. She was always bitter.

Zoe left anger to Connor. It was something that he was a natural at, and God strike her down if she copied her brother even more than she already did. She only dyed her hair after he did; she only took dance after he did; she only took up music after he did. She wanted to have something to bond over with her only family left, but it just drove him away.

So Zoe stayed bitter and kind of scared—not that she’d admit it. Talking to Alana for hours on end made her feel warm inside, not burning like it was now. Pathetic as it is, she misses it. But Zoe never got nice things. Everything thing she’s ever had: her parents, Connor, and now, Alana; it felt like this whole rebellion was taking everything away from her.

But she couldn’t exactly voice that. They’ll just take another thing: her life. She didn’t want to lose anything anymore.

Zoe flipped over on the old mattress. She checked her phone for the time; it was almost three in the morning.

Apparently, her mom and Alice Kleinman were actually friends, mostly because of Heidi Hansen. That’s what Valerie said anyway.

She stared at the sleeping form of Jared, the ticking clock of his watch barely reaching her ears. It was almost calming and very strange. She watched his chest rise and fall and listened to his quiet snores; she eyed his tousled brown hair. Why was she watching him so intently?  He was just Jared Kleinman.

_Val’s just older than us. Give it time and Alana will get over her. Trust me._

If anything, Jared was a peculiar person. Despite tormenting her brother, he’s actually been a decent person to them for the past day or two. He even stuck by her until he wandered off in the house they were staying in. The Jared she created in her head would have laughed and told everyone about her struggles. Just like what you’d expect an asshole to do.  

She flipped over once more, groaning as quietly as she could muster. Unfortunately, it wasn’t very quiet, judging by how Jared grumbled and shifted slightly. Zoe and her dumb head needed to shut up. The idea of being a YA novel protagonist was invading her head. The conditions were present: missing parents, teenage angst, special powers, being a generically attractive white girl, a government revolution. All she needed her equally generic love interest (she would ignore the fact that Connor fit the stereotype and pretended that it was Evan or Jared; kind of like a heterosexual John Green novel).

Eventually, she gave up on the notion of sleep. As Connor would say, ‘sleep is for the weak’. Zoe quickly entered her birthday onto her phone, predictable but easy to remember: 0930. Opening her phone, however, made her remember there was no signal underground. And Valerie was the only one who knew the internet password. Zoe fell to the ground. Jared flipped her off; she answered in kind and grumpily made her way downstairs.

 

 

“Hey, Zoe.” Valerie greeted.

“Um, can I have the, uh-” “I think we should talk.”

Zoe turned red. “You go first.” She said out of courtesy.

“Oh,” Valerie said, mildly surprised. Her relaxed posture oddly sent a wave of relief through Zoe, sitting on an old chair across from the leader. She sat in the ‘gremlin’ position, fondly dubbed by Connor; knees to her chest and almost standing on the chair, hands under her body.

Why was she thinking about her brother so much? Ew.

“I think you should take over if anything happens to me,” Valerie said, giggling at Zoe’s (rightfully) surprised expression before adding to her statement. “Not without training, silly.”

“I mean, why me? Why not Connor or Alana?” Zoe asked, quizzical.

The older girl leaned back before leaning on the table. “Well, if I said because of a whim, you’d be upset. So, I’m saying it’s because I like you. You’re honest with yourself.” She answered without missing a beat.

“Me? Honest?”

“Less honest, but more open with your emotions. Plus, I don’t think the others would be happy to have someone who doesn’t know their powers to lead.”

“But, Alana was all over you!” Zoe sputtered.

“So that’s why you were upset earlier.”

Zoe flinched.

“Trust me--if her father was of any influence--she’d be better off as a strategist, not a leader.” Valerie said. “I take this position very seriously, and I know a bit about you kids from what your parents told me.”

“Mom and dad talked about me?” She asked.

“Duh. You and Connor were their world. Who the hell wouldn’t talk about their kids?” Valerie answered her question like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She continued hastily after seeing Zoe wilt a bit. “Um, Larry would always tell me about your tap recitals, and how you clung to your brother like he would disappear at any moment; or how you drew stars on every surface you could find and begged him to put up constellations in your room.”

“Yeah, I never got those glow-star constellations.”

Valerie reached over and patted her head. “Trust me kiddo, they loved both Zoe and Connor with all their hearts. And I’ll fight you over that, to my last breath.” She paused to wink exaggeratedly. “And I’m sure Miss Beck will feel the same way too.”

Zoe’s face coloured. “It’s way too early! We barely know each other!” She protested.

 “Or does Mister Kleinman catch your fancy?” She teased, spurred on by Zoe’s reaction.

“No!”

“Ah, I remember being young.”

Zoe squealed and hid her face in her knees.

“Well, you shouldn’t be focusing on romance right now.” Valerie said, straightening up. “That’s for when your age is off the clock.”

“But, I’m already sixteen.”

“I meant in military time, sweetie.”

 

 

 

Evan Hansen came down at six in the morning, looking well-rested unlike Zoe, the mad-woman who pulled the all-nighter.

She was lying on two chairs, her face covered with her phone.

He looked very confused seeing the two girls draped over each other in the living room instead of their rooms.

“Am I interrupting something?” He asked.

“No.” Zoe answered.

Evan blinked and curled into himself. “Um, right. I’m just making breakfast.”

A loud yell from the top of the stairs had Zoe crash into the floor.

“Heck yeah, Hansen Pancakes!” Jared whooped and slid down the railing and ceremoniously landing on the floor. Evan stifled a laugh behind his mouth while Zoe burst out in cackles at Jared’s sprawled body.

“Worth it.” Jared said, weakly on the floor.

“Is it really?” Evan asked.

“Don’t worry Evan, I can’t touch a stove without burning something. Like water.” Zoe reassured.

“Water?” Evan asked in hesitation before shaking his head. “But don’t worry, Jared and I are actually pretty decent at cooking.”

“Someone in the family has to do it.” Jared said, standing up and brushing himself off. “Everyone either can’t or won’t.”

“Or both.” Evan added. “That’s referring to Mr. Kleinman plus Isa, Viola, and Olivier respectively.”

“Well, welcome designated chefs. It’ll be better than daily eggs anyway.” Zoe joked.

She could feel Connor flipping her off in spirit. Even though he was most definitely still asleep; like she should be, but she was still awake.

However, her small talk with Valerie made it somewhat worth it. As well as the smell of fresh pancakes in the morning, which wafted in the air twenty minutes later.

Zoe was definitely eating her brother’s portion if it tasted as good as it smelled. Or just edible, because she was starving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a short chapter,,, like Jared.  
> I'm honestly basing birthdays off of horoscopes like Heidi does in the novel.  
> Like Zoe's a libra, Connor's a scorpio, and Jared is definitely a gemini
> 
> Also, hiding in your hands is soo,,,, pretty?? Who gave Mallory the right???


	11. Shared feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midnight talks and daylight tears

Baking was familiar and calming. Anything that just required monotonous motion and sweets was.

Candies, caramels, cookies, cakes, chocolates, custards, hell—even crepes; he could make it all.

That’s why Evan volunteered to cook, even though Jared was superior in skill (Jared would claim that Evan was the better chef though). Hansen Pancakes were a favourite among the Kleinmans and would be the one normal thing in the days to come.

Evan sifted the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and sugar with practiced expertise. Mixed the eggs, milk and buttermilk with ease, along with butter and vanilla. It was simple. It was easy. _It was familiar._

The batter came together in a golden mixture which he poured over the sizzling griddle. _Simple, easy, familiar._

Evan waited.

In one fluid motion, he gracefully flipped the pancakes, revealing a golden-brown side, not white-gold, but not burnt. It was perfect, unlike everything else.

Half an hour later, six stacks of four pancakes were drizzled with syrup and topped off with strawberries and whipped cream.

“This is really good Evan,” Zoe commented. “As a bonafide cooking critic according to Google, I give this a rating of five stars.” She put her thumbs up and grinned at him.

“ _Bon Appetit._ ” Jared whispered before digging into the pancakes with childlike glee. The younger boy moaned unnecessarily at the taste.

“God, why?” Evan pleaded. May the Lord have mercy on him, if he wasn’t going to hell for being born. Because of the whole witchcraft thing.

“What’s with all the ruckus at seven in the fucking morning?” A groggy voice asked.

Evan froze. Down the stairs came a very sleepy Connor Murphy, who Evan made sure not to disturb when he passed by his bed.

The Connor Murphy who held him in the night when he had a nightmare.

_Evan was dying; his breath was escaping him and choking his throat; his eyes, only registering blanks. Not even a black void, just nothingness._

_All he felt was the cold, cold, cold. And pain, searing his lungs._

_Worst of all, he couldn’t feel the sweet embrace of sleep; everything was nothing and how he wanted anything._

_But he deserved it. He deserved this. He didn’t deserve anything better._

_There wasn’t any light left for him._

_Every attempt at breathing was met by a choked attempt to cough up the water. Over and over and over._

_Then came the burning. His chest, his head, his gut all on fire. A fire started by the sea._

_He tried one last breath before-_

_An even warmth spread through his body, waking him from his slumber._

_“Jesus Christ.” Connor said, reluctantly holding Evan close._

_So that’s what the warmth was._

_Evan stared at Connor, unsure of what to make of the situation._

_“You’re—um, crying.” The other boy pointed out._

_Evan’s hand shook as he softly touched his cheek. It was damp with tears and sweat._

_“Oh.” He whispered. Evan laughed, volume never going above a whisper. “I guess I am.”_

_“Zoe used to get really bad nightmares.” Connor eventually said. “I usually hug her or something until she can sleep or something.”_

_“You- you don’t have too.” Evan immediately answered._

_“Well, I’ll leave you to-” Connor cut himself short after Evan grabbed the sleeve of his button-up._

_“No!” Evan whisper-yelled. “I just—can you—just maybe…stay? Talk? I don’t want to think about it.”_

_“Oh,” Connor said. “Sure, I guess. Until you doze off or something.”_

_…_

_“Kleinman did what now?”_

_“He jumped off the bridge after Orange!”_

_“Damn. Relatable.”_

_“Connor that’s not funny.”_

_“Yes, it is.”_

_“It wasn’t even that high!”_

_“Zoe wishes that were me.”_

_…_

_“Zoe dances?”_

_“Yeah, but no offence, she’s not that great at it.”_

_“And you are?”_

_“Oh my god.”_

_“Sorry! I’m so sorry!”_

_“Shush, I’m impressed right now. But to answer your question, yes, I am.”_

_…_

_“-and Olivier is really into classic literature-”_

_“Fuck Jared. I want his sister.”_

_“Ew.”_

_“Not like that.”_

_“I sure hope so, creeper.”_

_“Says the one who had a crush on my sister.”_

_“Touché.”_

_…_

_“Why did you even like my sister, anyway?”_

_“She was nice to me?”_

_“That says a lot about your standards.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_…_

_“You’re really cold.”_

_“And you’re too fucking warm. You’re like a fucking heater.”_

_“Is ‘fuck’ just your favourite word?”_

_“It’s actually ‘oxymoron’, for both the meaning and spelling, because I too, am a moron.”_

_…_

_“Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.”_

_“Oh, mood.”_

_“Wait you’ve never heard of John Mulaney?”_

_“Literally who?”_

_“Connor, you uncultured swine.”_

_…_

_“So, Jared’s like a mom?”_

_“Essentially. He does the cooking and cleaning around the house and tells the girls to go to sleep.”_

_“Maybe Kleinman can be the mom Zoe and I missed out on.”_

_“Jared wouldn’t like to hear that.”_

_“He can fucking sew, he’s a mom now.”_

_…_

_“You know Hansen, for someone that projectile vomited on Sabrina Patel, you’re oddly sarcastic.”_

_“Thanks, I get it from the parental issues.”_

_“See, that’s exactly what I mean Evan Hansass.”_

_“Hansass?”_

_“It’s your new name.”_

_“Wow. Thanks mom.”_

_“No, that’s Jared. I’m your daddy.”_

_“Daddy, give your baby a smooch.”_

_“Oh fuck you.”_

_…_

_Evan fell asleep in surprisingly toned arms. And woke up with those same arms and a mouthful of hair._

“Good morning, Connor!” Evan greeted.

Connor grumpily made his way to the table. “You are way too chipper for ass-crack o’clock.”

Evan jokingly glared at him. Evan _was_ a cryptid morning person.

“Evan made pancakes.” Zoe said, pushing a plate of two pancakes to her brother.

Connor eyed the pancakes in front of him, then the five and a half on her plate. He snatched the two stolen pancakes and placed it on his plate, where it belonged.

As soon as Connor picked a fork, Evan offered the syrup to him.

“Only if you want it,” Evan said. “I remember you saying that you weren’t much of a sweet tooth.”

“Which is a shame.” Zoe said, grumpily shoving remaining half of her pancake in her mouth, making sure to chew obnoxiously.

“Shut up,” Connor growled. “Your cooking sucks ass, so I have bad memories with whatever you made.”

Connor carefully cut a piece of the pancake and placed it in his mouth.

Evan anticipated his response with just a little too much hope.

“It’s okay.” Connor eventually said.

Evan deflated and glanced at the ground. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll just, um-”

“No! It’s good! Shit, I’m the one who should be sorry, fuck.” Connor immediately apologized seeing Evan’s reaction and pointedly putting a piece of pancake in his mouth. “I’m just an asshole.”

The four teens plus one sat in silence, waiting for Alana to come down.

“I think I should go check on her.” Evan said to break the silence.

Cheap, blue socks made its way up one step at a time, making sure to stay quiet, just in case Alana was still asleep. He doubted that, given Alana’s sheer amount of extracurriculars, but he was still wary.

He peeked in the elegant room that was given to Alana. According to Zoe, it was actually similar to the Beck house. To quote ‘it was like a creepy dollhouse, a bit too perfect’, kind of what he expected the Murphy’s house was like. That was far from the truth though; which made sense because they were unsupervised kids for most of their lives.

Alana was on the floor, legs crossed and hands over her chest.

Oh.

Evan’s hands found the necklace from his mother, running his fingers over the cool pendant and feeling the magic hum under his fingertips.

Alana was the only one out of them who didn’t seem to have powers.

Evan knew how it felt to be inadequate, and it should be hard for someone like Alana; someone who always seemed to be perfect in everything she did.

Alana grunted in frustration after minutes of meditating and opened her eyes. She flinched when she noticed Evan peeking in.

“Oh! Evan, what brings you here?” She asked, clearly frazzled.

“It’s time for breakfast.” He said, deciding not to bring it up.

Her posture relaxed, and her expression turned into a more familiar one, a perfect, guarded smile. “Thank you. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Evan felt something uneasy in his gut, but that quickly changed into confusion. Why was he nervous now?

“I’ll just go now.” He said, turning away from her.

Why was he panicking?

Five things he could see.

_The door, his socks, his hands that were trembling, the hardwood floors, and the door frame._

Four things he could hear.

_Connor’s voice, Jared’s laughter, his breathing, the ocean waves._

Three things he could feel.

_His mother’s necklace, his polo, the railing._

Two things he could taste.

_The leftover batter, salty tears._

One thing he could smell.

_He couldn’t breathe, breathe, breathe. It’s not working-_

He could hear gasps coming from Alana’s room. He opened the door to see Alana curled up on the same spot she was in before.

“A-Alana?”

She shakily looked at him, with tears streaking down her face.

“Wait, what?”

“Um, Alana are you alrigh-” “Evan, why are you crying?”

They both stared at each other, both seeming to calm down.

“Well, that was unexpected.” Valerie said, suddenly appearing beside Evan.  

**Author's Note:**

> well this is the first fic i actually published. i hope i don't abandon the idea just like any fic i try to start. but comments are probably one of the only things that could motivate me to write more  
> You can ask me about stuff on my blog I guess  
> https://sheolchi.tumblr.com/


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